How Should I Deal With Family Members Who Have Left Islam?
Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
There are members of my family, including my father, who have apostated, openly hate Islam and make blasphemous comments. How am I supposed to treat him and the other family members, since I read that one should not have any contact to them anymore ?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Family ties
Abu Ad-Dardh narrated that the Messenger of Allah said: “Nothing is placed on the Scale that is heavier than good character. Indeed the person with good character will have attained the rank of the person of fasting and prayer.” [Tirmidhi]
My advice for you is to dislike the apostasy in your family, but maintain family ties. Please make dua for your family members who have left the deen, and treat them with compassion and good character. There is still hope that they can return to Islam. Nothing is difficult for Allah.
Boundaries
While I encourage you to spend time with your family, it is important for you to still draw boundaries. Ideally, when you are all calm, politely ask them to please refrain from making such comments in front of you and your children.
If they ignore your requests and continue to make blasphemous statements, then politely excuse yourself and leave. Continue to reach out to them, and
It can be difficult to be assertive with family members, especially those who are older and extremely emotional. Bear in mind that all things can improve with time and practice. Assertiveness is a muscle that grows stronger with use.
Prayer
I encourage you to give in charity and perform the Prayer of Need. Ask Allah to continue to grant you guidance, and to guide your family members. Listen to podcasts and lesson sets to nourish you. Consider doing courses such as
Introduction to Islam: What It Means to Be Muslim to strengthen your own foundation.
I pray that Allah guides your family members back to Islam, keeps you steadfast, and draws you closer to Him.
Please see:
Reader on Patience and Reliance on Allah
Apostasy Archives
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.
