Answered by Ustadha Rahma Ahmed
Question: My husband and I have had serious issues throughout our marriage. We have been married for twelve years, and have children together. Despite this, we have poor communication, little intimacy, and financial problems. He continually verbally and emotionally berates me. We don’t even sleep in the same bed because it disturbs his sleep.
My family doesn’t want me to leave him, as they cannot support my children and me.
What is best for me and my children?
Answer: As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu dear sister,
I pray this reaches you in well-being.
Allah is with you
It saddens me to hear that you are suffering. May Allah Most High place your patience and sufferings among your good deeds. Everything is recorded with the Lord of the Universe.
Divorce as mercy
Allah Most High has made marriage sacred. Therefore, divorce is amongst the worst of permissible deeds.
However, sometimes divorce is a mercy for all involved – husband, wife, and children.
This is because oppression is forbidden in our religion. Allah Most High says about Himself in a hadith qudsi, “O My servants! I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another.”
The Prophet (Allah’s mercy and peace be upon him) said, “Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one.”
People asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?”
The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “By preventing him from oppressing others.”
No one should allow oppression by remaining in an unhappy marriage for economic reasons. One should do what is most pleasing to Allah Most High, with certainty that Allah will make a way out for one.
Allah says in the Qur’an, “And whosoever fears Allah and keeps His duty to Him, He will make a way for Him to get out (from every difficulty)” (Quran, 65.2).
I recommend that you to speak to a religious leader in your hometown. Act in accordance to what is best for the mental and spiritual well-being of yourself and your family. That is what is most pleasing to Allah Most High.
May Allah Most High give you ease and guide you through this difficult time, ameen.
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.