Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah
Question: Assalamu alaykum
I prayed istikhara for marriage. I have come across somebody and would like to approach them to get to know them for the purpose of marriage. I can’t seem to get this man out of my heart no matter how hard I try. So I decided to do a Istikhara so that Allah could guide me and show me what was best. But I’m a little unsure still.
What do I do?
Answer: Assalam ‘alaykum. I hope you’re well inshallah.
It is obvious that your heart inclines towards the person in question, so it is now just a matter of taking action. However, how you do this is most important. If it was meant to be it will happen, no matter how many obstacles are in the way, while if it isn’t meant to be then it won’t happen even if there are no challenges to overcome.
What to do?
1. First of all, it is imperative that the reasons for wanting to marry the person is correct. Ensure that it is for Allah and that he is someone who observes his religious duties and has good character. There are many other reasons for marrying someone, but religious practice should always take precedence.
2. Seek advice from your parents and other family members. Do some research into the person, his background and his family. Listen to what people have said, and judge accordingly.
3. Do not approach the man yourself. Instead, get a family member (preferably a male), someone who may know him, or the local imam (if suitable), to speak to him about marriage and arrange a meeting between yourselves at one of the family homes.
4. If you do meet, then do not go into the meeting with your mind made up to marry, as this may blind you from any areas of potential problems or real compatibility. Rather, take your time, ask what you need to so as to feel satisfied and convinced that he is genuinely a right match. If something seems amiss, then do not ignore it.
5. Make du’a to Allah to guide you to what is best for you in this life and the next, that will keep you from harm, and grant you happiness and a pious family. Open your heart to accepting that you want Allah to give you what is best for you, even if what is best for you turns out not to be what you wanted, as we never know what Allah may be saving you from.
I wish you every happiness and a loving, caring, and upright spouse.
Please see also: Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah
Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.