Can Married Couples Speak to Each Other Before Rukhsati?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel

Question

I am 21 years old and from America. I recently had my Nikah done out of love for the Sunna and all the benefits Allah has placed in it for us! Everything went well until after the Nikah I found out that since I live in the US and she has not moved in with me yet, in their mind, the marriage is still incomplete and that I am still looked down upon for attempting to talk to her or from being alone with her! She was raised this way, so she thinks we should remain distant and rarely contact her until we are officially moved together. I seek advice and counsel because I am grieved at the distance from her.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question and for seeking guidance and an Islamic answer.

It is permissible for you both to talk to each other, as you are husband and wife. Her family seems to be stopping her from doing so for cultural and cautionary reasons. Allah Most High reward you both for your patience and make the emigration process and application easy and successful so you can unite sooner, in sha’ Allah.

Once a nikah takes place, it is permissible for the married couple to enjoy marital rights, from meeting each other to intimacy. However, if rukhsati has been deferred, it generally refers to the husband and wife agreeing to stay apart for some time due to customary circumstances. Jurists mention that people’s customary practice (‘urf) is a legal proof and must be considered.

It would be best to work with the wife and in-laws and find a way to convince them, even through a third person. Most importantly, pray to Allah Most High to give you patience, and to give everyone understanding of his religion, amin.

I would like you to go through the valuable answers and links below. You will receive guidance and direction in sha’ Allah.

Related:

• Love, Marriage, and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered.
• The Position of Culture in Islam.
• Can the Couples Stay Together Right after Nikah before Rukhsati?
• How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (Salat al-Haja)?

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I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Mawlana Ilyas Patel is a traditionally trained scholar who has studied in the UK, India, Pakistan, Syria, Jordan, and Turkey. He started his early education in the UK. He went on to complete the hifz of the Quran in India, then enrolled in an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied the secular and ‘Aalimiyya sciences. He then traveled to Karachi, Pakistan. He has been an Imam in Rep of Ireland for several years. He has taught hifz of the Quran, Tajwid, Fiqh, and many other Islamic sciences to children and adults onsite and online extensively in the UK and Ireland. He taught at a local Islamic seminary for 12 years in the UK, where he was a librarian and a teacher of Islamic sciences. He currently resides in the UK with his wife. His interest is a love of books and gardening.