How To Deal With Waswasa and Urge To Divorce My Wife?

Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question

I have a lot of waswasa about purity and divorce. I’m happy with my wife, but I get a lot of intense waswasa about divorcing her. Many a time, I have thoughts like “If I do such and such a thing she is divorced.” If I do those things would that divorce come into effect?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious and Most Merciful

OCD Does Not Initiate a Divorce

Do not worry; doing those actions will not entail a divorce. You clearly suffer from extreme OCD and the thoughts that keep plaguing you are beyond your control.  Therefore, such conditional statements of divorce that come to you will not actually make the condition come into effect.

I’ve seen some cases of OCD where the thoughts and even the urge of saying the divorce is incessant. This is not how most people pronounce a divorce. Due to this, scholars have stated that the divorce of a person in such an extreme situation does not come into effect. [Ibn ‘Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]

Don’t Fight the Thoughts

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Indeed Allah has overlooked for my follower’s mistakes, forgetfulness, and what they are compelled to do.” [Bayhaqi] Although the meaning of compulsion here is being forced by another with a threat to do something, there shared component is a lack of independent will from the doer.

You do not choose to have these thoughts, and clearly, you do not want to initiate a conditional divorce. You won’t be taken to task for this. However, you do need to take responsibility for healing from this. You should look into some form of therapy. Start with this seminar (link below). It will make matters clear for you.

Being Balanced-Emotional and Mental Health: Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Also, let the thoughts come and let them go. Resisting will worsen the situation. They will come stronger. How? Be comfortable with the fact that they can’t change anything, and that you are not taken to task for them.

This is the easiest way to manage them. They cause you distress because you fear their consequences. When there are no consequences they cannot affect you.

Check this reader:
OCD and waswasa (Baseless Misgivings)

May Allah grant you a way out of your difficulties very soon.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.