Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch
Through strength from Allah, I finally took firm action to stop the sins that I had struggled with for years. I have offered Salatul Taubah to repent with the intention not to return. I have read that Allah Most High forgives all sins following sincere repentance, which gave me hope.
However, I’m ashamed that while I expected a sense of liberation from stopping the sin, I don’t understand why I’m depressed now. I’m trying to think gratitude thoughts to help, but it’s not working. What’s worse is that I’m reminiscing about the psychological, emotional & physiological “boosts” at the time of the sin. I hate that I might be “missing” it. Is my “regret” insincere, and is my repentance invalid?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate
Once a valid repentance is made, such that it was made with sincere remorse and a resolve never to return to that sin, it is valid, and one’s sin is forgiven.
Breaking their resolve and returning to that sin does not invalidate their previous repentance, but they must make new repentance for the new sin.
Regretting Leaving Sin
Many times when one is striving to leave sins, Shaytan whispers to them to stir up regret for their decision, to remind them of what they are ‘missing out on,” and to eventually, by doing that, get them to return to the sin.
One must remember that no good comes from disobeying Allah Most High. All good in this life and the next is in Allah’s obedience, and all evil in this life and in Allah’s disobedience.
Allah Most High says, “Or do those who commit evil deeds ˹simply˺ think that We will make them equal—in their life and after their death—to those who believe and do good? How wrong is their judgment!” [Quran, 45:21]
Reflect on these meanings anytime you get these thoughts. Pray to Allah Most High to remove them from you. Increase your remembrance of Allah Most High and strive to implement the morning and evening invocations that the Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) left us and encouraged us to read.
You can find a simple compilation of the Prophetic invocations here:
The complete Wird Latif of Imam al-Haddad, with transliteration
Hope this helps
Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he then completed four years at the Darul Uloom seminary in New York where he studied Arabic and the traditional sciences. He then traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he stayed for three years studying in Dar Al-Mustafa under some of the greatest scholars of our time, including Habib Umar Bin Hafiz, Habib Kadhim al-Saqqaf, and Shaykh Umar al-Khatib. In Tarim, Shaykh Yusuf completed the memorization of the Qur’an and studied beliefs, legal methodology, hadith methodology, Qur’anic exegesis, Islamic history, and a number of texts on spirituality. He joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.