How to Deal With Love

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question: Assalamu alaykum

I met a boy. The first time I saw him I felt like I had known him for a thousand years and I felt some connection. Day by day I started to learn more about him, but I never spoke to him. He doesn’t really know me or has even really seen me. I feel like I might love him because of his good manners and his many other fine qualities. I haven’t seen anything negative about him at all. Why do I feel like this? Can you please help?

Answer: Assalamu alaykum, sister.

Thank you for your honest question. I want to praise you for not getting close with this brother and starting a relationship with him. I also commend that you are attracted to his character instead of something shallow, like how much weight he can lift!

Connection

Feeling a connection with a person that you don’t know is possible. It may be that your souls met when they were first created. At this time, Allah asked all the souls who their Lord is. Allah says, “And [mention] when your Lord took from the children of Adam – from their loins – their descendants and made them testify of themselves, [saying to them], “Am I not your Lord?” They said, “Yes, we have testified.” [This] – lest you should say on the day of Resurrection, “Indeed, we were of this unaware.” [Qur`an, 7:172]

Istikhara and taking steps

First of all, find out if the brother prays and fasts. You don’t want to consider someone who is not performing his obligations to Allah first.

If he does, I recommend that you pray the Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance about marrying this brother. If you find that you feel positive about it, you can talk to your brother about approaching him. If you don’t have one, you could approach one of your married friends, whose husband could approach him on the matter. He can simply recommend to the brother to consider you for marriage.

If you find that your istikhara feels negative, then I would discard any thought of this brother immediately. You don’t want to find yourself attached to him when there might be someone else there for you. Lower your gaze when he is around and whenever any thought of him pops into your mind, bless the Prophet and make dhikr.

May Allah give you the best in this world and the next.

Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterwards, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

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"Whoever guides someone to goodness will have a similar reward"-- The Prophet (Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him)