Can I Distance Myself From a Controlling Social Group?
Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel
Question
Is it permissible to discreetly distance myself from a group using manipulative rhetoric without responding to their messages, except when greeting them in person? Also, is befriending those outside their circle impermissible, as they claim?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question.
You have the right to distance yourself in whatever feels appropriate. If a group is controlling or unfairly restricting your social interactions, it could indicate an unhealthy environment. You have the right to choose who you spend time with while still being respectful to others.
Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) said, The Messenger of Allah happened to pass by a heap of corn. He thrust his hand into it, and his fingers felt wet. He (Allah be pleased with him) said to the owner of that heap of corn,
“What is this?” He replied: “O Messenger of Allah! These have been drenched by rainfall.” He remarked, “Why did you not place it on top so that the people might see it? Whoever deceives is not of us.” [Muslim]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) interacted with various groups, including non-Muslims, with wisdom and kindness. There is no Islamic basis for a group claiming that befriending outsiders is impermissible unless those people encourage sin or misguidance.
Believers are Well-Mannered
Sahl ibn Sa’d (Allah be pleased with him): The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“The believer is friendly, for there is no good in one who is not friendly or befriended.” [Ahmad]
Please go through the valuable answers and links below. Insha’Allah, they will provide you with guidance and direction.
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I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat
Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Presently, he lives in the UK with his wife and is interested in books and gardening.
