How to Look at My Pregnant Wife after Learning about Her Past?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

It is not permissible to tell a future spouse about one’s past for the betterment of the wedding. This rule is being taken advantage of by my wife. I was a virgin and led a pious life. When I spoke to her before the wedding, I was very particular that she had a pure past, but she lied. We were fine after the wedding for a few months until I accidentally read her WhatsApp and learned she led a very filthy life, a life that one couldn’t imagine. I was heartbroken.

When I asked why she lied in the first place, she confessed that she had physical relationships with non-Muslims. I wanted an immediate divorce, but she is pregnant with me.

Answer

Thank you for your question. SubhanAllah, the troubles of technology and the sins they uncover are quite a tribulation for humankind. May Allah aid you with patience and reflection over this matter.

Sins

Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “Surely Allah does not forgive associating ˹others˺ with Him ˹in worship˺, but forgives anything else of whomever He wills. Indeed, whoever associates ˹others˺ with Allah has gone far astray.” [Quran, 4:116]

And He said, Exalted is He: “Say: My servants who have wronged yourselves, never despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Quran. 39:53]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) also told us, “Allah, Glorified is He and Most High, said: ‘O son of Adam! Verily as long as you called upon Me and hoped in Me, I forgave you, despite whatever may have occurred from you, and I did not mind. O son of Adam! Were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky, then you sought forgiveness from Me, I would forgive you, and I would not mind. O son of Adam! If you came to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you met Me not associating anything with Me, I would come to you with forgiveness nearly as great as it.’” [Tirmidhi]

Forgiveness

Can there be any doubt regarding Allah’s generosity and forgiveness? If your wife has repented and sincerely transformed into someone who would never do that again, I highly encourage you to forgive her. This is the sunna of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace). You can get past this, never look back, and love her for what she is now. Everyone deserves a second chance.

It won’t necessarily be easy, but I encourage you to reflect on this world, the temptations in it, the role of the Devil, and a man’s ability to overcome evil with Allah’s aid. Please remember that not a single soul is perfect, and never will be, except for the prophets who are sinless. I pray that your display of kindness, gentleness, and compassion will be a means for Allah to look favorably upon you on the Day of Judgment.

Please see these links as well:
My dream wife just told me about her sinful past
I Am Heartbroken About My Wife’s Troubled Past. Why Did Allah Do This to Me?
How to Deal With a Wife Revealing an Illicit Sexual Relationship Before the Marriage?

May Allah Most High give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani 

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.