How Can I Stop Hating Men Because of the Maidens of Paradise They Will Get?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I always heard of Houri in Paradise for men. I’m not lesbian, but I have disliked boys since I was a child, and the fact that men get women apart from us here is unfair. May Allah have mercy on me. It also makes me feel like men only strive for Paradise to get the women there. This hurts me and makes me think that Muslim men are ungrateful. Women go through so many trials like childbirth, menstrual pain, etc., but in the end, they have to share their husbands? Men don’t care about our feelings here; all they want is women, which annoys me more and makes me hate them more. I need a clear explanation for my doubts. I don’t want to lose Allah in this process.

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for asking when you are unclear about this issue, and may you gain closeness to Allah through this elucidation.

Fairness

Allah is fair and just. In his infinite wisdom, He has decided the reward for both men and women, and their reward will be in accordance with what pleases each gender most. Muslims cannot understand the full scope of their pleasure in Paradise until they are there. One should trust in the Creator and know that one will not want for anything.

Contemplate the fairness of reward in this verse of the Quran, “Surely [for] Muslim men and women, believing men and women, devout men and women, truthful men and women, patient men and women, humble men and women, charitable men and women, fasting men and women, men and women who guard their chastity, and men and women who remember Allah often—for [all of] them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.” [Quran, 33:35]

Ingratitude

The reasons that you give for hating men are not valid. Men do not only strive to have women in Paradise, and they are not all ungrateful; rather, women tend to be more ungrateful, as the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us. See those details here:

In What Context Did the Prophet Say ‘Women Make up the Majority of the Inhabitants of Hell’?

I urge you to focus on this Quranic verse and act. Allah Most High tells us in His book, “For whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger, and fears Allah and is mindful of Him; then it is they who will [truly] triumph.” [Quran, 24:52]

Please see our many answers and details on the topic here:

Reader on Women’s Ranks in the Hereafter

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.