Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I am pregnant and currently living with my in-laws. I have been facing a problem; they took it upon themselves to control my diet during pregnancy to the point that they will hide my food that they deem bad for my baby even if there is no proof that these foods are harmful; on the contrary, there is proof of their benefit on pregnant women and their unborn child. I have been growing more and more frustrated as I cannot control my cravings and suffer from bad food aversions and nausea, I also feel I am depriving my child of nutrients. What should I do in this case? I try to talk to my husband, but he sides with his family every time.
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration, and I pray that you can have open communication with them and that they ease up on you.
The Prophet, (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” [Ibn Maja]
There really is no easy way to deal with this. I urge you to be patient, be polite, and provide evidence to them that you can and should eat certain foods, especially supplements and vitamins. Buy the books about pregnancy nutrition and have them read them, or have your doctor call your husband and tell him. It seems they won’t be convinced by you. Although it’s frustrating, I don’t think you should cause a big argument. Play your cards right, be smart, be patient, and you will get what you want. Also, can you step out once in a while to eat out? Can you order Uber Eats? Can you get a friend to invite you over and have something at her place?
Turn to Allah
Turn to Allah with all your problems by being devout to Him and channeling your problems in supplication. Make Allah your primary concern. Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever is concerned about the Hereafter, Allah will place richness in his heart, bring his affairs together, and the world will inevitably come to him. Whoever is concerned about the world, Allah will place poverty between his eyes, disorder his affairs, and he will get nothing of the world but what is decreed for him.” [Tirmidhi]
I recommend this du`a daily:
رَبِّ أَعِنِّي وَلَا تُعِنْ عَلَيَّ، وَانْصُرْنِي وَلَا تَنْصُرْ عَلَيَّ، وَامْكُرْ لِي وَلَا تَمْكُرْ عَلَيَّ، وَاهْدِنِي وَيَسِّرِ الهُدَى إِلَيَّ، وَانْصُرْنِي عَلَى مَنْ بَغَى عَلَيَّ
“My Lord, aid me and do not aid against me, and grant me victory and do not grant victory over me, plan for me and do not plan against me, guide me and facilitate guidance for me, grant me victory over those who transgress against me.” [Tirmidhi]
Please see these links as well:
- Having to Live With My In-Laws Is Difficult. What Do I Do?
- How to Get Along with the Family of My In-Laws?
- What Are My Rights When Living with My In-Laws?
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.