Is It Permissible for Me to Stop Calling My Mother Who Won’t Speak to Me?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My mother has stopped talking to me because I didn’t attend my nephew’s birthday party due to my son having a vomiting bug. I don’t generally socialize with my sister as she behaves in ways that I disagree with, so I was unable to pass a gift after the party had passed. I still called my mum once a week but she wouldn’t talk properly. A month later she refused to accept some Quran I’d read for a death anniversary and shouted at me not to call her. I got filled with anxiety but still called once a week but she wouldn’t talk properly so I visited her on the weekend and apart from a simple hello she ignored me, my husband and 2 children.
Please advise if it is permissible for me to stop reaching out to her to stop her shouting/ignoring me?
Answer
Thank you for your question. Yes, you may keep some distance for now and I pray that she comes around soon.
Mother
Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “And We have commanded people to ˹honour˺ their parents. Their mothers bore them through hardship upon hardship, and their weaning takes two years. So be grateful to Me and your parents. To Me is the final return.” [Quran, 31:14] I believe that you have shown due respect to your mother by not fighting with her and continuously trying to talk to her.
In this delicate situation, you should give your mother time to cool down until she is ready to talk to you. You have shown her that you are not angry and are still open to communication, and that is enough for now. Your mother loves you. Allow her to calm down so she has time to think about her actions, and in the future, you should make a point of conveying Islamic knowledge to her and teaching her about prophetic character, so these incidents are avoided. When she is ready to engage you, try giving her a gift. When she does start speaking to you, don’t fight or argue, but just help her understand your point of view.
Turn to Allah
With any difficulty, turn to Allah Most High and devote yourself to Him. Channel your complaints into du`a to Him, pray on time, read Quran daily, and learn what your obligations and rights are in marriage. Be sure not to repeat the same behaviour with your children. Exert patience, by the grace of Allah, your mother will learn from this.
Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “And they are those who endure patiently, seeking their Lord’s pleasure, establish prayer, donate from what We have provided for them—secretly and openly—and respond to evil with good. It is they who will have the ultimate abode: the Gardens of Eternity, which they will enter along with the righteous among their parents, spouses, and descendants. And the angels will enter upon them from every gate, saying, “Peace be upon you for your perseverance. How excellent is the ultimate abode!” [Quran, 13:22-24]
Please see these links as well:
How Can I Stop the Endless Arguments with My Mother?
Is Allah Displeased If I Anger My Parents Accidentally?
Should I Stop Correcting My Mother and Just Love Her?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
