Can I Force My Wife to Live with Me?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Can a wife stay with her parents without the husband’s permission?
A wife is staying with her parents as she is studying at a university near her parent’s house and also has two part-time jobs to pay tuition. Her husband wants her to move in with him so she can continue her studies at her university, where he also works as an instructor. He is even willing to pay her tuition fees, so she doesn’t have to work. But she refuses. Is it permissible for her to refuse his request and live away from him without his permission? She always maintains a niqab outside the home.
Answer
In the context that you have mentioned, it is not permissible for a wife to stay in her parent’s house without his permission. If he tells her to come back and she does not, she is sinful. She is especially sinful for not giving him his marital rights.
The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to allow someone into her husband’s house if he is opposed, or to go out if he is averse.” [Bayhaqi]
I recommend that you communicate with your wife. Is there some underlying reason why she is refusing to come back? You need to address that first. Is she being abused at home? Does she have difficult in-laws? Was there an argument? Is she unable to handle university, work, husband, and home altogether? Is she burnt out?
Allah, Most High, speaks about spouses saying, “(…) They are a garment for you and you are a garment for them,(…)” [Quran, 2:187]
Ponder this verse. Realize that a garment is used for many purposes; beauty, covering nakedness and protection. Spouses should treat each other as such; beautify one another in bringing out the best character in one another, cover the other’s faults, and protect one another from any external harm.
Strive to treat your wife with loving kindness. Don’t remind her of the good that you have done for her (mann), this is prohibited. Ask her if her complaint with you is physical, emotional or something else. Strive to correct it. Fulfil your obligations with Allah and with people and in sha Allah, your situation will improve. Please see the related links that may be useful for you.
Related:
What Is the Ruling of the Husband Living Away From His Wife?
When Can a Woman Leave Her House?
May Allah bless you in this marriage and give you the best of both worlds.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
