How Can I Have a Nikah Without Announcing My Conversion to Family?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
How can we proceed with our nikah if I cannot announce my reversion or involve family and mutual friends as witnesses?
Answer
Thank you for your question. Having a nikah without involving family or friends contradicts the sunna of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and is no way to start a blessed married life.
Converts
A girl who converted to Islam does not need the permission of her non-Muslim father for her marriage contract, but that in no way means that she should not involve him or tell him that she is getting married. In terms of witnesses, the couple should have two male Muslim witnesses, or one male and two females.
See the conditions of valid nikah here;
- What Are the Minimum Steps That Must Be Taken for a Marriage to Be Valid?
- What Are the Conditions for Doing a Marriage Contract without a Consenting Guardian (Wali) or Witnesses?
- Details Regarding Being a “Wali” for Marriage in the Maliki School
Announce Marriages
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us, “Announce this marriage, and beat the sieve (drum) for it.”
Secret marriages are not a part of the prophetic sunna and are discouraged. They can cause doubts, rumors, suspicion, and much emotional distress.
I understand your conversion might not make them happy, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be. You will likely break their hearts if you don’t tell them you converted and got married. Please make this a family affair and not an elopement. As a side note, my teacher used to recommend converts be Muslim for a year before getting married, and she was a convert herself. Please consider it.
Dua
Turn to Allah for guidance, ease, and wisdom. Take steps to learn about your new faith and practice it for a while before taking on the duties of a wife and mother. Please say these supplications regularly:
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ هَمٍّ وَحَزَنٍ، وَعَجْزٍ وَكَسَلٍ، وَجُبْنٍ وَبُخْلٍ، وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ، وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ
O Allah! I seek refuge with You from worry and grief, from incapacity and laziness, from cowardice and miserliness, from being heavily in debt and from being overpowered by men. [Bukhari]
رَبَّنَا آتِنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ رَحْمَةً وَهَيِّئْ لَنَا مِنْ أَمْرِنَا رَشَدًا
Our Lord! Grant us mercy from Yourself and guide us rightly through our ordeal.” [Quran, 18:10]
Please see more details here:
- New to Islam Reader: A Trusted Collection of Resources for Converts
- What Should I Learn Now That I Have Converted?
- What Advice Would You Give to Someone Who Recently Converted to Islam?
- How Does a Converted Girl Go About Marriage?
- I Am a Convert and Ready to Marry
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
