How Can I Manage Feelings When Seeing Women’s Beauty?

Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Question

I struggle with overwhelming thoughts when seeing women’s beauty, leading to discomfort, pressure, and difficulty processing emotions. It stems from low self-esteem, envy, frustration, and attraction. How can I manage these feelings while staying true to Islamic teachings?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

Praise be to Allah (Most High), who created all things in balance and wisdom, and blessings and peace upon our Master Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace), the Seal of the Prophets.

Struggling with overwhelming thoughts when encountering beauty is a test many believers face. It’s not sinful to feel affected—what matters is how you respond. Islam teaches to lower the gaze, guard the heart, and reconnect self-worth with servitude to Allah (Most High). Through dhikr, avoiding harmful environments, and seeking Allah’s pleasure, you can turn this trial into a path of spiritual growth and closeness to Him.

A Test of the Heart: Acknowledge and Understand the Challenge

First, know that what you are experiencing is a trial many sincere believers face in various ways. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The world is sweet and green (alluring) and verily Allah is going to install you as vicegerent in it to see how you act. So avoid the allurement of women: verily, the first trial for the people of Isra’il was caused by women.” [Muslim]

Attraction is a natural human response, but in the face of that, Allah (Most High) commands believers to train their hearts and actions:

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do.” [Quran, 24:30]

Guarding the Gaze: A Discipline, Not a Denial

Lowering the gaze is more than averting the eyes—it is disciplining the self. Imam Ghazali explains that the eye is a gateway to the heart. Looking unchecked nourishes longing and unsettles the soul. The aim is not to deny beauty but to channel one’s awe toward the Creator of beauty.

Spiritual Frustration and Low Self-Worth: Reconnect with Your True Value

A root cause you mentioned is low self-esteem. In a world of curated appearances and filtered lives, many hearts wither in the shadow of comparison. But the worth of a believer is not weighed by worldly standards. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth but looks at your hearts and deeds” [Muslim]

You are not defined by how others appear, but by how you rise in sincerity, submission, and devotion to Allah (Most High). Build your self-worth around being a servant of the Most Merciful, not a spectator in a world of illusions.

Responding with Dhikr and Supplication

Let dhikr (remembrance) be your refuge in moments of discomfort or attraction. A simple, heartfelt “Ya Allah, purify my heart” is more potent than a thousand unspoken thoughts.

Build an Environment That Strengthens You

Practical strategies include reducing exposure to platforms or places that amplify these feelings, engaging in regular exercise, surrounding yourself with righteous companions, and spending time in beneficial pursuits—knowledge, service, and creativity. Seek healthy ways to express emotion and find beauty in halal forms.

Seek Healing Through Purpose

Finally, make this struggle a means of turning to Allah (Most High). Your discomfort is a sign of a living heart. Every time you turn away for His sake, you grow in strength and nearness to Him. As Allah (Most High) promises:

“Whoever fears standing before their Lord and restrains their desires, Paradise will certainly be their home.” [Quran, 79:40-41]

May Allah (Most High) ease your struggle, raise your rank, and replace the weight of comparison with the light of certainty and contentment.

And Allah knows best.
[Shaykh] Irshaad Sedick
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar Shaykh Taha Karaan (Allah have mercy on him), where he taught.

Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Shaykh Muhammad Awama, Shaykh Muhammad Hasan Hitu, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.

He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has been the Director of the Discover Islam Centre, and for six years, he has been the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen, Mowbray, Cape Town.

Shaykh Irshaad has fifteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town. He is currently building an Islamic podcast, education, and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and has completed his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy Prophetic living and fitness.