How Can I Stay Hopeful While Struggling With Repeated Sins?
Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch
Question
I have avoided many major sins, but struggle with certain habits like music, masturbation, and anal intercourse with my spouse. I fear punishment and feel overwhelmed. How can I stay committed to Islam despite these struggles?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
It is common for many Muslims to struggle with a particular sin that has become habitual.
It is important to find a balance between understanding the severity of these sins on one’s spiritual state, relationship with Allah Most High, and the danger of these sins on one’s Hereafter, and between recognition of Allah’s ever encompassing mercy.
Severity of Sins
Many recognize that sins are harmful, but often people do not know the extent to which that harm pervades every aspect of their existence.
Firstly, it is essential to recognize that sins do not harm Allah Most High in the least; just as our acts of obedience do not bring Him benefit. Allah Most High is absolutely perfect and does not need our obedience. [Ghazali, Ihya ‘Ulum al-Din]
Secondly, each time we fall into sin, we cause harm to ourselves emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually, and we draw upon ourselves many tribulations in this life, financially, familially, socially, and others, as well as causing tribulation to the degree of our sins upon the entire Muslim community (umma). [Ibid.]
Imam Abdullah bin ‘Alawi al-Haddad (Allah have mercy on him) writes in his famous poem:
ومن أكثر العصيان من غير توبة – فذاك طريح في فيافي الغواية
بعيد عن الخيرات حل به البلاء – وواجهه الخذلان من كل وجهة
“Whoever sins abundantly without repenting, then that is the one cast in the empty deserts of misguidance,
They are distanced from all goodness, tribulation befalls them, and Divine forsaking faces them from all directions.” [Haddad, al-Durr al-Manzum]
Repentance: The Only Way Forward
It is narrated that the Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) would often beseech Allah Most High with the following words:
لا ملجأ ولا منجى منك إلا إليك
“There is no refuge nor safety from You (O Allah) except towards You.” [Bukhari]
In other words, there is no way to achieve refuge and security from Allah’s wrath except by turning towards Allah’s mercy through repentance.
This is the other aspect that must be balanced with the first. Allah Most High is all-merciful, and the basis of the sins we commit that do not violate the rights of other creations is mercy. However, for this to be the case, one must be sincere in their repentance.
Conditions of Sincere Repentance
For the repentance to be sincere and sound, one must meet the following conditions:
- Sincere remorse over the sin;
- Immediately abandoning the sin;
- Having a firm resolve never to repeat the sin again. [Nawawi, Riyadh al-Salihin]
If these three conditions are met, there is no doubt in the forgiveness of Allah Most High.
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“The one who repents (sincerely) from a sin is like he who has no sin.” [Ibn Maja; Bayhaqi]
Summary
On the sins that you mentioned, anal intercourse is the most agriegious of them as scholars write regarding it that it not only goes against the Sacred law and the command of Allah, but it also goes against the primordial human nature, such that a person of sound mind would be disgusted from such a thing naturally, even without needing Divine guidance to reach that conclusion.
Make your best effort to eliminate these sins from your life. Also, speak to your spouse to have them assist you with accountability. If you still fall into these sins, turn immediately to Allah, seeking His forgiveness. You can do this via the prayer of repentance explained in this link.
Continue with this consistently and beg Allah to remove these sins from your heart, and most importantly, never lose hope in Allah’s mercy, as this is arguably a bigger sin.
Allah Most High says,
“Say, (O Prophet, that Allah says,) ‘O My servants who have exceeded the limits against their souls! Do not lose hope in Allah’s mercy, for Allah certainly forgives all sins.1 He is indeed the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.’” [Quran; 39:53]
Hope this helps
Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he went on to study at Darul Uloom Seminary in New York and completed his studies at Darul Mustafa in Tarim, Yemen.
There, he completed the memorization of the Quran and his study of Islamic Sciences. Throughout his years of study, he was blessed to learn from many great scholars: Habib Umar bin Hafiz, Habib Kazhim al-Saqqaf, Shaykh ‘Umar bin Husayn al-Khatib, and others.
Upon returning, he joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.
