How Should I Deal with the Pain of Infertility?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am 28 and have been married for four years. I didn’t have the habit of praying five times daily, but I have always been honest. I work now, but I desperately want to have a child. I conceived a child last year through infertility treatment but had to terminate the baby due to COVID. I went through treatment again, but it didn’t work this time. I feel so empty, and I don’t have money to afford treatment again. I turned to Allah now and started praying six times, including tahajjud. I am so depressed and often fear that I will never have children. My husband had struggled as his mom passed away when he was a child. I fear I won’t be able to give him a complete family.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your patience and facilitate what He deems best for you.
Please see this answer for supplications and excellent tips: How Should I Deal with the Pain of Infertility?
Allah’s Decree
I empathize with your pain, and I can imagine how difficult it must be to be unable to have a child. Allah is the one who gives and withholds, and I pray that you find solace and submission in His decree. I ask that you count the blessings that you do have and see what you have that others don’t.
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “Whoever among you wakes up physically healthy, feeling safe and secure within himself, with food for the day, it is as if he acquired the whole world.” [Ibn Majah]
Submission
I ask that you channel your pain into dua, ask Allah with all your might, and accept His will. This will bring you closeness to Him, patience, submission, and raise your rank. Your supplication will be answered in one of three ways, and we, as believers, must trust that He gives us what is best for us. You are not the one to give your husband a child; Allah is the One who gives; you are merely a vessel.
Abu Sa‘id al-Khudri reported that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Any Muslim who makes a supplication containing nothing which is sinful or which involves breaking ties of relationship will be given for it by God one of three things: He will give him a speedy answer, or store it up for him in the next world, or turn away from him an equivalent amount of evil.” Those who heard it said they would then make many supplications, and he replied, ‘God is more ready to answer than they were to ask.’” [Ahmad]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
