How To Control Sexual Urges and Take a Modest Path to Marriage?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad


I am 20 years, and I met this man who is ready to marry me. I knew my parents wouldn’t let me marry before I completed school, so he agreed to wait a year until graduation.

We rarely talk, but my sexual urges are high, and I try hard to resist. I also fear that this man will get tired of waiting because we don’t talk often. I don’t want to lose him when finding a man willing to commit in this modern world is so hard.


I empathize with the frustration that you are feeling, sister.

It is not clear from your question if you are already engaged or whether this is something you hope your parents will agree to. Please tell your parents and formalize your marriage plan if you have not already.

Either way, there is no simple trick that I can give you to resist your urges before you marry this man. You must do your best to keep your conversations formal and minimal.

Draw out every bit of your patience and tell yourself that you will be with him in one year. It will pass by quickly, I promise. Now is the time to show your true strength. Allah promises good to those who restrain themselves for His sake.

In the meantime, prepare for marriage instead of thinking about his bed. This is infinitely more important, and too many couples do not arm themselves with the knowledge of rights and obligations before they get married. Do you know what he must provide for you? Do you know what you must give him?

Do you know what you can say when you have your first fight? Do you know how to establish good marital habits from the beginning so the marriage stays afloat? Do you know what is permissible in the bedroom?

Please take a course at Seekers with him so that you are both clear on what behavior a Muslim couple expects. May Allah bless your union and give you the best in this world and the next.

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[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.