How To Survive in a Family That Is Cursing Me All the Time?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My family is temperamental, and I used to be patient with them and seek their forgiveness if I was at fault. They would mock me, saying, “You always seek forgiveness. Shameless!” I avoided talking to them, except minimally, but they mocked me for that, too. Now we argue sometimes, and I get angry every time.
I realize I am getting nasty, but I’m fed up with my family and their lifestyle. I said something vile to them, so they made du’a against me. I’m very scared for myself. How do I ward off this curse, and will Allah forgive me for what I have regretfully done? I have sought forgiveness from Allah, but what about these curses? I don’t want to have a horrible life. I cannot ask for their forgiveness right now.
Answer
I am sorry to hear that you are not getting along with your family, and I empathize with the pain of having a stressful environment at home. May Allah rectify this for you and take you out of this soon.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Three supplications are responded to: the supplication of the oppressed, the supplication of the traveler, and the supplication of the parent against his child.” [Tirmidhi]
This is not to say that you will undoubtedly have a horrible life as Allah chooses to what extent to answer your parent’s dua against you. The best thing you can do to ward off curses is to change your life after a sincere tawba (repentance). Look to the future and not the past, and don’t live in fear.
Knowledge of Religion
Commit to increasing your knowledge about your religion. Take a free course at Seekers on obligatory knowledge for daily life and ritual worship. Consider courses for inspiration, purification, and seerah (Prophetic life). If you genuinely want to show Allah you are repentant, you should prove it and try to change yourself by learning, applying, and feeling the new you. Fulfill your obligations to Him and eliminate the harams from your life individually.
Anger Management
Anger management is key for you. Allah’s Messenger, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.” [Bukhari] Try to pinpoint your triggers and walk away from them before they happen. Instead of speaking a few words during a fight, please don’t say anything at all, for it can get out of control. Most of all, try to get yourself out of this living situation as soon as possible.
Improving Patience and Character
If you are still a young man, work on improving your patience and character and focusing on school so you can do well, get a good income, and move out. Sometimes, getting along well with family is easier when you are not living with them. Be formal and polite when you see them. Don’t bring up topics that cause distress. Be kind to them when things calm down, and instead of asking their forgiveness, buy them a gift, and they will get the gist of it. When they stop mocking your apologies and start respecting you, you can consider apologizing for what you did, only once, though. One does not apologize over and over.
Cursing Disbelievers and the Companions of the Prophet
How Do We Deal With Parents Who Emotionally Abuse Their Children
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
