Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
There is a girl whom I like to marry. She wears a hijab, and sometimes she shares Islamic posts on her stories, plus she is beautiful. But I am aware that she had a boyfriend in the past. How can I trust someone who wears a hijab and shares Islamic posts and had a boyfriend in the past, and God knows what they did? I don’t know what to do. Her ex-boyfriend called her bad names after they broke up, she also told me that he is not a good guy. I really don’t know which one of them to believe. Maybe she has truly changed and learned her lesson. Please give me some advice.
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your confusion, but you should consider that if her repentance is good enough for Allah Most High is it good enough for you?
I cannot convince you to marry her, but I can guide you to two things. Does her religion and character now please you? Is your istikhara positive? Forget about her past, no one is perfect, and no one will ever be perfect. Her past is no indication of her future. Didn’t many sahaba kill Muslims and torture them before they converted? Allah loves repentance, and often a person who has repented becomes sincerely religious, something that can’t be said about every religious person.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) advised this when you are choosing a spouse: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari; Muslim]
And Ma‘qil bin Yasar reported God’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Marry women who are loving and very fertile, for I shall outnumber the peoples by you.” [Abu Dawud & Nasa’i]
Please see these links as well:
- Does Knowing a Potential Spouse’s Past Matter?
- Should I Marry Someone Who Has Committed Fornication in the Past?
- My dream wife just told me about her sinful past
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.