Should I Seek Forgiveness After Rejecting a Persistent Suitor?
Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch
Question
Am I sinful for hurting a boy’s feelings by rejecting him after years of contact, and do I need to seek his forgiveness, or is turning to Allah enough?
I have been making a dua for a long time. Meanwhile, I listen to some Islamic scholars who ask to let things go and be content with what comes. (Ridha Ilahi). They say, “Maybe that thing is not good for you, and Allah wants to give you something far better.” What I believe is that Allah is Al-Qadir.
He has the power to turn bad things into good, and He likes being asked rather than quitting. So I ask Allah if that thing is not good for me now, make it good and give it to me. If I avoid saying “give me what is better for me” (as in Istekhara dua), rather I choose to ask Allah to make a thing good (if it is not) and give it to me, am I sinful for that or adopting a wrong approach in my dua?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
The method that you are using to supplicate Allah Most High does not squarely fall under the legal rulings of the Sacred law; however, it falls under the general Prophetic etiquettes a Believer strives to have with their Creator.
Supplication, at its essence, is one of the most profound shows of humility and brokenness to Allah Most High. Brokenness in the fact that we are desperately in need of Allah, and humility insofar as we don’t truly know what is best for us.
Allah Most High says in the Quran,
“…Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.” [Quran; 2:216]
For this reason, it is more befitting, better, and safer to stick to the istikhara supplication or supplicate with a similar articulation.
Dua is a Mirror to the Spiritual Heart
The fact that you are reluctant to supplicate in the manner prescribed by the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) in the Istikhara supplication, and your desire to get exactly what you want and for Allah to change it from being potentially bad for you to being good for you, may give you some insight to some spiritual sicknesses that need working on.
Perhaps this supplication is indicative of base desires or ego (nafs), arrogance (kibr), lack of trust in Allah Most High (‘adam al-tawakkul), or other possible character traits.
Do not take this in a negative sense, as we all are striving to purify our hearts from such qualities. This may be one of the greatest blessings of all. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“If Allah wants good for a servant, He gives them understanding of the religion, detaches them from worldliness, and shows them their flaws.” [Bayhaqi]
Reading the Books of Spiritual Purification
I highly encourage you to read the books of Imam Ghazali and Imam Haddad on the topics alluded to above. Their books are widely available in the English language and are sufficient as a means to implement the Quran and the Prophetic Sunna.
It is through turning to Allah Most High and fully submitting to His will for us that we will attain the best of this world and the Next.
Hope this helps
Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he went on to study at Darul Uloom Seminary in New York and completed his studies at Darul Mustafa in Tarim, Yemen.
There, he completed the memorization of the Quran and his study of Islamic Sciences. Throughout his years of study, he was blessed to learn from many great scholars: Habib Umar bin Hafiz, Habib Kazhim al-Saqqaf, Shaykh ‘Umar bin Husayn al-Khatib, and others.
Upon returning, he joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.
