Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel
I’m currently seeing someone with the intention of getting married. Our parents will meet soon to discuss the next steps, and I am generally pleased with the kind of person he is. But there is one thing that irritates me. He follows a lot of Instagram models wearing skimpy or revealing outfits. This bothers me, even though he has stated that he thinks I am attractive.
When I told him about it, he was understanding and unfollowed many people. Some, however, remain. Should I ask him to unfollow all of them? Should I be bothered by this? Some women have told me that I am being too suffocating and that preventing him from doing this will suffocate the marriage. Please advise.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate
I pray you are in good faith and health. Allah Most High rewards you for seeking guidance.
It is good to know you have some inclination towards marrying him. However, to put you at ease you should seek guidance (istikhara) by performing the Prayer of Guidance and advice (istishara) from others, like parents, siblings and local male and female scholars, and pious friends.
Seek Guidance (Istikhara) and Advice (Istishara)
The prophetic guidance of istikhara and mashwara have been mentioned in many authentic narrations. In fact, the Quran instructs the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) to consult his companions, saying, “(…) and consult with them in (conducting) matters. Once you make a decision, put your trust in Allah. Surely Allah loves those who trust in Him.” [Quran, 3:159]
Anas Ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) reported from the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), “The one who performs prayer for guidance (istikhara) will not be unsuccessful and the one who takes advice (mashwara) will never regret” [Tabarani, al-Mujam al-Awsat; Haythami, Majma al-Zawaid]
Attraction is Only One Aspect
Attraction is important in marriage, but please know that attraction takes time to grow – and it is not the only thing. You will have to look at other aspects of him too, and he should be advised to do the same. Whether he is a religious, financially and emotionally strong and able, etc
Advise to Unfollow Models
I advise you he should make a firm intention to unfollow all the models on his social media. It is in this, that safety lies. Continue to perform the Prayer of Guidance and remember the prayer is to put you at ease and submitting yourself to the decision and outcome to Allah Most High. If your heart and advice of others is inclined towards him then that that is a sign to proceed, and whatever it leads to is from Allah Most High. You just have to put your trust in him and work on your marriage, or move away to find another if you do otherwise.
A Guide to Marriage: SeekersGuidance Reader – SeekersGuidance
Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance – SeekersGuidance
Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages
Before You Tie the Knot : A Guide for Couples
Before the Wedding : Questions for Muslims to Ask Before Getting Married
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I pray this helps in your question.
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Mawlana Ilyas Patel is a traditionally-trained scholar who has studied within UK, India, Pakistan, Syria, Jordan, and Turkey. He started his early education in the UK. He went on to complete hifz of Quran in India, then enrolled into an Islamic seminary in UK where he studied the secular and ‘Aalimiyya sciences. He then traveled to Karachi, Pakistan. He has been an Imam in Rep of Ireland for a number of years. He has taught hifz of the Quran, Tajwid, Fiqh and many other Islamic sciences to both children and adults onsite and online extensively in UK and Ireland. He was teaching at a local Islamic seminary for 12 years in the UK where he was a librarian and a teacher of Islamic sciences. He currently resides in UK with his wife. His personal interest is love of books and gardening.