Controlling Desires When Marriage Isn’t Practical

Answered by Ustadha Rukayat Yakub

Question: Please give suggestions and duas for a woman who has having trouble controlling her desires and has not been able to marry.

Answer:

Bismillah

Wa alaikum as salaam wa rahmatullah

Dear sister,

You can approach this situation from four angles, I recommend you do the four simultaneously.

1.Spiritual

Be mindful of the prayer times and commit to prayer, the obligatory and recommended prayers at their respective times consistently.  If it isn’t already your habit to wake up for tahajjud, begin to do so, ask our Beneficent Lord for assistance with this challenge, during this blessed time or the other times when dua are known to be accepted like the time between the iqama and adhan, when the rainfalls, etc

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant us peace) advised to fast in this situation, so if you aren’t already fasting on Mondays and Thursdays, make this your habit.

2. Diet

Look at removing as much animal based food from your diet as possible, practitioners of Unani Medicine recommend adding more cooling foods to the diet, and cutting down on heating foods as a way of tempering this appetite, this may be something you might want to try, in sha Allah.

3. Physical

Regular exercise can be a good way of redirecting this energy.

4. Service

Occupy yourself mentally by dedicating time to service, look at the skills you have and how you can best service the community around you, take your hobby or interests and make it a way of you giving back to your community

In Summary

Whenever such thought occur, ask Allah ta’ala for assistance and/or forgiveness. Never tire of turning to Him,   Look at the company you keep.  And guard the seven inroads to the heart.

The Mouth
The Ears
The Eyes
The Hands
The Legs
The Stomach
The Genitals

Safe-guarding these inroads protects the heart, so as an additional measure be mindful of what you see, listen to, speak out etc, as such things can be triggers for different aspects of our appetites.

As for duas, a regular litany is so very important to us all, this could be the daily supplications of the Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace or a daily Qur’an reading, both, or more.  In addition to this I will recommend this dua,

Ya muqallib al-qulub thabbit qalbi `ala dinik

‘O the Controller of hearts! Make my heart firm on Your Deen.’ (Tirmidhi)

Our appetites are physical needs which with training can be controlled by the aql (intellect) whose seat is the heart.  So asking Allah ta’ala for assistance with the heart will in sha Allah help in this situation.

On another note, if you do want to get married, ask Allah ta’ala for this and work on preparing yourself spiritually and emotionally so that when this occurs you are ready.

May Allah ta’ala give you ease and reward your striving.

Your sister,

Rukayat

Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani