How Can I Make My Parents Help Me Get Married?

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Answered by Ustada Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am a 23-year-old female, my parents delayed my marriage and asked me to study and work further. They said after two years, we will think about marriage. But when I go out, I get jealous by seeing couples and my married friends. And my parents did not consider the educational status of my future spouse. I liked one boy, but they rejected him due to these reasons. I felt very stressed and I could not concentrate on anything. All I wish is to get a halal love but it doesn’t happen In my life.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration and I pray that you find a way to marry soon, so you can move on with the rest of your life.

Marriage

You share the same plight as many young Muslims. Make this hadith your standard for choosing a spouse and this applies to both genders: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, or her piety. Select the pious; may you be blessed!“ [Bukhari & Muslim] You should choose a man based on his religion, ability to provide, and character. I am confident that Allah will send you a pious spouse if you are patient and trust in Him.

Parents

I am sorry that your parents are not actively searching for a spouse for you. It is understandable for you to feel disappointed. Although parents are not obliged to find a spouse for their child, they certainly should play a role, offer support and advice, and in the end, give their approval when the right man comes. Although you are a wonderful daughter for agreeing to the two-year delay, you don’t need to agree to further delay. Please explain this to them and explain to them what kind of man you are looking for.

Please read this book to help you prepare:
Tips

In the meantime, I advise you to follow this tips:

-Serve your parents and appreciate the time you have with them now.
-Thank Allah every night for the blessings in your life.
-Enrol in a course for Islamic marriage to prepare yourself with personally obligatory knowledge
-Make du`a at tahajjud time that Allah sends you the perfect man for you.
-Be regular with your prayers and read the Quran daily
-Remember this Allah is your Provider – not your parents. Your parents are only the means.
-Perform the Prayer of Need, preferably in the last third of the night when Allah is eager to answer prayers.
-Speak to community elders and family friends to help you find a spouse.
– Join religious circles to seek knowledge and potentially find a pious spouse there e.g. Islamic classes, the masjid and so on.
-Exercise beautiful patience, for His sake

Du`a

Please say this du`a daily:

رَبِّ لا تَذَرْنِي فَرْدًا وَأَنتَ خَيْرُ الْوَارِثِين

My Lord! Do not leave me childless, though You are the Best of Successors.”[Quranic dua, 21:89]

Please see these links as well:
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustada]Shazia Ahmad
Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

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