How Do I Deal with a Lazy and Dependent Brother-in-Law?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

For 12 years, I’ve seen my husband shower his brother with gifts like iPhones, laptops, perfumes, branded clothing, even powdered milk for his kids, clothes, toys, baby strollers, car seats, etc. My brother-in-law is educated and healthy, and my husband & father-in-law built a restaurant complete with workers for him, but he hardly worked a year; we had to sell it and took a huge loss. Later, my father-in-law sold land and gave money to all his children, but my brother-in-law didn’t do anything worthwhile with it and still depends on his father and brother. Recently, we sold all my gold because we needed money, but my husband gifted his brother with a new iPad. Please guide us in this.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration, especially since you had to sell your gold to meet your needs.

Charity

Charity is a great good deed in Islam, and your husband has a very good heart, Ma sha Allah. I can see that you don’t agree with him on this matter, the best thing is for both of you to communicate. Your husband must provide for you first, as that is his obligation before anything else. Once, you and the children have been provided for, he is free to spend as he pleases, and I urge you not to interfere.

The importance of spending one the family is shown here: Narrated `A’isha:

Hind bint `Utba (Abu Sufyan’s wife) came and said, “O Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace)! Abu Sufyan is a miser. Is there any harm if I spend something from his property for our children?” He said, there is no harm for you if you feed them from it justly and reasonably (with no extravagance). [Bukhari]

Please see these links as well:

• Putting Charity Before the Needs of Your Family
• How Do I Deal with a Neglectful Husband Who Volunteers All His Time to Others?
• My Husband Let Us Starve. What Do I Do?

Sustenance

Everyone’s sustenance and provision (rizq) is guaranteed, and I ask you to have faith and trust in Allah that what is meant for you will come to you. Additionally, there is much benefit in following this hadith, despite its being weak. Narrated by `Abdullah ibn Mas`ud, “I heard the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) saying: ‘Whoever reads Surah al-Waqi`a every night, he will not be struck by poverty ever.’ Ibn Mas`ud said, “I have ordered my daughter to read it every night.” (Abu `Ubayd in Fada’il al-Quran) In the meantime, pray for the guidance of your brother-in-law, as this will probably not go on forever.

See the tips here:

• Bringing Barakah Into Your Wealth and Life
• Why Is Allah Withholding Rizq (Provision) From Me? (Video)
• Provision and Work: A Reader

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.