How Do I Deal With Jealousy and Feeling Ugly?
Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
1) I feel jealous of someone, try to ignore it, make dua for her every night for her worldly and eternal benefit, so that my jealousy will not cause any harm to her. I also say masha’Allah tabarak Allah. Is this enough to keep me free from sin?
2) I am very unhappy with the way some parts of my body look. I want to have surgery done to improve the appearance because if I don’t I cannot ever get married. This causes me mental anguish. Is it permissible to have surgery done?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us. Please forgive me for the delay.
May Allah reward you for making dua for the person you are jealous of. I pray that Allah opens up doors of good for you.
I suggest that you perform the Prayer of Need and ask Allah to remove this envy from your heart, increase you in gratitude and contentment, and to bless you with whatever it is you long for.
I suggest that you take a look at Emotional First Aid. Emotions, especially strong ones like jealousy, do not go away when you ignore them.
Waki’ bin Hudus narrated that his paternal uncle Abu Razin said: “The Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said: ‘Allah laughs at the despair of His slaves although He soon changes it.’ I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, does the Lord laugh?’ He said: ‘Yes.’ I said: ‘We shall never be deprived of good by a Lord Who laughs.'” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
Please reflect on what it is that you actually want in your life, instead of focusing on what another person has. There are many Muslimah life coaches online who can help you. Your own potential perhaps lies untapped.
When times are difficult, it’s hard to imagine things getting any better. Trust that when Allah inspires change in your life, then anything is possible. It takes patience for things to unfold, so place all of your hopes in Him.
“And so many a moving (living) creature there is, that carries not its own provision! Allah provides for it and for you. And He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower.” [Qur’an, 29:60]
I am sorry that you are suffering. Cosmetic surgery is permitted to correct defects. Please see the following link Is Cosmetic Surgery Allowed?
I suggest that you speak to a culturally-sensitive counsellor about the way you feel about your body.
Please trust that with Allah’s help, anything is possible. Different people around the world struggle with so many tribulations, and yet, Allah can still bless them with marriage. The modern world sells us the lie that if we were only to look a certain way, and be a certain weight, then we will find love. This is untrue. Your provision has already been written for you.
Marriage, especially while you are still single, can seem like the solution to all of your pain. Please remember that no marriage is perfect, and through marital hardships, you can grow into a better version of yourself. In the meantime, what can you do to make your current life more fulfilling?
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long
A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)
Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersGuidance Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.