How Do I Find the Right Man After I Converted, Studied Islam, Had Kids, and Then a Difficult Divorce?


I became Muslim as a teenager and my father disowned me. I devoted myself to learning Arabic and studying Islam with scholars. I met a Muslim brother in the college MSA; we married and had kids, but we divorced after he became mentally unstable and violent. Now, I am busy working full time while raising my kids and seeking ‘ilm. If I want to remarry, how should I seek a spouse, especially one with specialized Islamic knowledge? I do not have a family network and do not trust apps or most men.


Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you well and compensate you for your suffering as you have been through so much. I pray that you can find the right person for you and live a peaceful and devoted life with him. The best advice that I can give you is here:



The short answer to your question is that you should look within your immediate circle of peers and religious friends that you study with. Ask your female friends to help you out as they might have wider networks than you. I do not recommend apps, because of the element of the unknown. You might find a religious matchmaker if you ask around, or ask a local imam.


Trust in Allah

The most important thing for you here is to trust in Allah and turn to Him. He has a plan for you, and you must submit to his timing while praying for the best outcome. When a man does come along, please consider his attitude toward your children and his mental health, for these two are the most important for you, after his religion. Pray istikhara as well, and follow your heart. Ask Allah to open your heart to trust him and to facilitate the whole process.

May Allah reward you for your sincerity and give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.