How to Deal with a Wife Who Is Too Modest at Home?
Answered by Ustada Shazia Ahmad
Question
It has been a month since I got married and we live in our own place. But I only saw my wife’s hair on our wedding night. My wife thinks that it is a higher level of modesty to cover herself all the time, so she covers her head and body in front of me though nobody else is around. I never tell her to show her hair or to wear revealing clothes in front of me but I need a clarification. Is it a higher level of modesty to cover herself in front of her husband?
Answer
Modesty
Modesty is certainly a beautiful thing as we know from our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace):
The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “There is never any obscenity in a thing, but it mars it, and there is never any modesty in a thing, but it adorns it.” [Ibn Maja]
Islam is a religion of modesty. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Every religion has its distinct characteristic, and the distinct characteristic of Islam is modesty.” [Ibn Majah]
Husband
That being said, it is important to please one’s husband as his pleasure is one of the great paths to Paradise. When a man enjoys his wife’s beauty, it makes it easier for him to lower his gaze and it leads to many other blessings and good deeds. You should tell your wife this, and ask her to lighten up on her strictness. There are many modest clothes out there that can be worn at home, and she won’t have to compromise; she can be beautiful and modest at the same time. Ask her to wear jewelry, apply perfume, apply henna, if you like that, and wear make-up.
Tell her to consider this hadith: It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said, ‘The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything about herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.’” [Musnad of Ahmad]
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[Ustada]Shazia Ahmad
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
