Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I struggle to wear hijab daily – does that make me a hypocrite? What is the ruling behind listening to music? My husband’s parents want us to live with them, but we do not want to. What do I do?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. Please forgive me for the delay.
Dear sister, may Allah help you along your journey of completing your hijab. It is better for you to strive in small steps towards it, than to not try at all. Please make a daily intention, and set goals for yourself.
Strengthen your inner connection to Allah, and inshaAllah your outward connection will follow. Enrol in SeekersHub classes, listen to podcasts and/or lesson sets.
Speak to other sisters who wore hijab later in life. InshaAllah their journeys will inspire you.
The most religiously precautionary view is to avoid listening to music. Some people are able to stop cold turkey, while others need to slowly wean off. You know yourself best.
Your priority, and your obligation, is looking after your children and your marriage. Because of this, then you must stay wherever your provision is written for you.
I am sorry that your in-laws are not on speaking terms with you. Spouses are an unfortunate scapegoat when parents have a troubled relationship with their adult children. Your responsibility is to still treat them with kindness.
I encourage you to enrol in and complete this course: Excellence with Parents: How to Fulfill the Rights of Your Parents. Please encourage your husband to do the same. This will teach you the rank of your parents.
It’s important to note the obligation of treating your in-laws and your own parents with respect. This does not necessarily mean obeying their every whim. If it brings genuine hardship upon you, your husband and your children to move in with them, then it is permissible for you to remain where you are. As a wife, it is your right to have privacy in your marital home: A Wife’s Right to Housing Separate From Her In-Laws.
I encourage you to send your in-laws gifts. Update them about their grandchildren and send them photographs. Even if they do not respond to your overtures, please continue to keep ties with them. Strive to visit them regularly, even if they remain aloof. Over time, I pray that it will get easier. The best test of character is when you are treated unjustly, and remain upright and patient.
I pray that Allah helps you strengthen your inward and outward obedience to him, improves your character, and brings you closer to Him.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.