A Poem for Personal Problems

Intervening in My Friend’s Marital Problems

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: I know someone who is married and is constantly taking abuse and being disrespected by his wife. He has children and is righteous. It is also questionable as to whether his wife is a Muslim as she has doubts about Islam. He doesn’t tell his family about his problems and is always looking very worried.

His parents have talked to his wife and she keeps saying she will change however it is evident that she persists in treating him in this way. I feel sorrow and anger due to his situation. At times i feel as though i should intervene and take matters into my own hands. What should i do?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful

Assalamu alaikum,

Thank you for your question.

In the spirit of brotherhood, give your friend good counsel but respect his final decision. He may be trying to work on his marriage behind the scenes. If he is open to advice, locate resources for him, e.g., marriage counseling, mediation, etc. You mentioned that the wife is abusive. While the majority of abuse cases tend to involve male perpetrators, it is important to note that women can be abusers too. Convey to him the importance of having a healthy, loving household for his children and, as I said, offer good and sincere counsel.

If you know his wife and have an idea of who she would listen to, it might be worthwhile to find someone to approach her, but clear that with her husband first.

May Allah reward you,

Zaynab Ansari

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