Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: I married my husband due to family pressure. We have been separated for almost a year. I do much more worship but sometimes it still feels like this is a horrible test that just isn’t ending. Does this mean that I am supposed to return to my husband?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatahullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah ease the distress from your heart.
It sounds like the answer is already unfolding in events in your life. Allah makes easy what is good for you, and Allah closes off what is bad for you. If after praying istikhara, your relationship with your husband becomes worse, then that is a sign that this marriage is not for you.
Feeling unease during difficulty is part of being human. It’s not a sign that you must return to your husband.
Dear sister, you are going through an extremely difficult time. Please be gentle with yourself, and please give yourself time to heal. The nature of pain is that it will run its course, for as long as Allah wills. Pain
comes out sideways if you try to suppress it. Feel your sadness, loss and anger, and see a therapist if you need help processing your emotions. There is no shame in needing help. Reach out to loved ones who support your decision. Grieve the loss of your marriage for as long as you need to. There is no timeline on these things, and remember that Allah tests those whom He loves.
Doing more ibadah is praiseworthy, and inshaAllah over time the sweetness of ibadah will eclipse your heartache. Allah is the Turner of Hearts, so keep asking Him to relieve your heartache.
Please look after yourself in this time. Eat nourishing foods, get enough sleep, go for walks in the sunshine, drink herbal teas, get massages – whatever you need to do to help you feel better.
Divorce is not the end of the world. Some days, you might wonder if the pain will ever stop. Hold the remembrance of Allah close to your heart, and seek comfort in the knowledge that Allah knows how much pain you are in.
I pray that Allah grants you a loving and righteous husband when the time is right. Please keep turning to Allah during these difficult time. InshaAllah, one day soon, this time will be a distant memory.
There are many, many beautiful duas you can read to get you through this painful period in your life. Slowly build these supplications into your daily life.
Please refer to the following links:
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani