My Mother in Law Hates Me. What Can I Do?

Answered by Shaykh Abdurragmaan Khan

Question: Assalam alaykum,

My mother in law doesn’t like me. When I am not around she will talk bad about me to my husband. When she came to know about my pregnancy she asked my husband to choose between me and his family.

What should I do?

Answer: Wa alaykum al-Salam

May Allah bring ease to your situation.

Your husband must be in a very difficult situation. It would appear, based on your narrations, that your mother in law is problematic. If this is the case, your husband may be legally allowed to disobey her [further evidence of her being problematic is required to determine if he may do so]. However, she is his mother and no child would want to live a life where his or her mother has abandoned him or her. The Prophet sallaLlahu alayhi wasallam emphasized that paradise lies beneath the mother’s feet.

My advice to you is to practice patience. If establishing good ties with your mother in law is not at all possible, then just stay out of her way and ignore whatever criticism she may levy against you. Be a good wife to your husband and assist him in being obedient to his mother. You will have plenty opportunities to perform Umrah in the future, Amin. If you were to insist on performing Umrah this time round, your husband might agree, however, if his relationship with his mother is spoilt, he may hold it against you throughout your marriage. Your situation is complicated and a test; Allah tests those whom he loves.

May Allah grant you patience and steadfastness, Amin.

And Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Abdurragmaan Khan

Shaykh Abdurragmaan
received ijazah ’ammah from various luminaries, including but not restricted to: Habib Umar ibn Hafiz—a personality who affected him greatly and who has changed his relationship with Allah, Maulana Yusuf Karaan—the former Mufti of Cape Town; Habib ‘Ali al-Mashhur—the current Mufti of Tarim; Habib ‘Umar al-Jaylani—the Shafi‘i Mufti of Makkah; Sayyid Ahmad bin Abi Bakr al-Hibshi; Habib Kadhim as-Saqqaf; Shaykh Mahmud Sa’id Mamduh; Maulana Abdul Hafiz al-Makki; Shaykh Ala ad-Din al-Afghani; Maulana Fazlur Rahman al-Azami and Shaykh Yahya al-Gawthani amongst others.