Parents’ Interference in Marriage
Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Question Summary
My husband and I have recently fought; he told me to leave his house. I called my parents, who told me to leave him for good. My dad has called everyone he knew and told them what has happened because he likes the attention, which made me mad because I want to reconcile, but both our parents are taking exception and saying that we can’t. My parents are emotionally manipulating me and threatening me that if I go back, they’re going to disown me. They don’t listen, even to Islamic advice.
Question Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate
May Allah guide every dimension of our lives to that which pleases Him.
We pray that Allah opens up the hearts of all those involved and facilitates a good outcome.
It’s unclear as to precisely what the question is in your description. We will, however, attempt to encourage all parties to try and reconcile or assist the reconciliation process.
Parents Rights
Remember that your parents have rights over you, so always be kind to them, even if their actions appear to be irrational. If they command you with anything that goes against Sacred Law, like instructing you to stay away from your lawful spouse, obedience to them is unbefitting, but kindness is still required. Allah says: “We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; but if they strive (to force) you to join with Me anything of which you do not know, obey them not.” [Qur’an 29:8]
In light of the above verse, one should never use inappropriate or derogatory descriptions for one’s parents. To say that they “like attention,” “don’t listen,” and “are manipulating” is unbecoming for a believer and should be avoided at all costs.
Advice to Parents
Our advice is for your parents not to prevent you from reconciling your marriage to your husband, especially if he is religiously committed and of good character. Parents do not have the right to force you and your husband to divorce, and it is not permissible for them to cut ties with you if you go against them in that. It is unlawful for a believer to forsake his fellow-believer unless there is a justified reason in Sacred Law for doing so.
Family Ties
The Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “It is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days.” [Bukhari] The sin is more serious if the forsaking for no reason involves a son, mother, brother, or other close relatives because, in that case, it is combining two sins: forsaking a Muslim and severing the ties of kinship. The Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “The upholder of kinship ties is not the one who is kind to them if they are kind to him, rather the upholder of kinship ties is the one who, if his relatives cut him off, he upholds the ties of kinship with them.” [Bukhari]
Please see the following links for more appropriate guidance:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/marriage-in-islam-a-reader/
I pray this is of benefit and that Allah guides us all.
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
[Shaykh] Irshaad Sedick
Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar, Shaykh Taha Karaan.
Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Mawlana Yusuf Karaan, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.
He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has served as the Director of the Discover Islam Centre and Al Jeem Foundation. For the last five years till present, he has served as the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen, Mowbray, Cape Town.
Shaykh Irshaad has thirteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town). He is currently building an Islamic online learning and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and pursuing his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy living and fitness.
