Problems With In-Laws: Maintaining Distance & Advice on Mending Ties
Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari Abdur-Razacq
Question: Me and my husband moved out of my in-laws home due to family problems. We moved back in shortly afterwards after rectifying the situation. However, my in-laws started accusing me and my family of practicing black magic on them, which Allah is my witness that we have not. My husband has believed me, but my in-laws refuse to. Now we have moved out again and the slander and accusations continue. My husband has tried a couple of times to break the barrier, but my father-in-law always rejects and instead insults him with very painful words. What are we supposed to so in such a situation where the only way my husband can keep his parents happy is to divorce me? And keeping in mind, my husband and I share a very happy, healthy marital life between ourselves?
Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allah descend on the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his companions, and their followers.
Dear Sister,
Assalamu alaikum,
Thank you for your question. I pray you and your husband are in good health and iman.
You and your husband have taken the right steps by putting some distance between yourselves and his family. By distance I don’t mean cutting ties. I do mean giving yourself some space and time away from this fitna.
Causing division between a husband and wife is fitna and your in-laws need to make tawba.
Accusing you and your family of committing black magic is likely just a smokescreen for some deeply-seated anxieties they harbor about their son’s marriage. Perhaps they were not happy about his marrying you. If that was the case, then they need to deal with it like adults and extend the courtesy you deserve as their daughter-in-law. Islamic adab, or manners, demands no less.
If you and your husband are truly happy in your marriage, then you need to strengthen your bond as a couple, safeguard it, and inoculate yourselves against this drama with lots of Qur’an, prayer, dhikr, and salawat upon the Messenger. Your husband should continue to model compassion and kindness to his parents, but he should not tolerate any disrespect toward you and your parents. For now, he will probably have to visit his folks on his own and leave you out of it. Hopefully, in time, Allah Ta’ala will heal your in-laws’ hearts and bring them around. If their son is happy with you, then that should be enough for them.
May Allah reward you,
Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq
July 22, 2010/Sha’ban 10, 1431
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq is a wife and mother residing in the southeastern United States. She graduated from Abu Nour University’s precollege program in 2000 and has remained active in teaching and studying sacred knowledge through SunniPath and SeekersGuidance. She holds undergraduate degrees in history and Middle Eastern Studies and is a certified public speaker.
