Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: I was in a relationship with a girl for a few years. I taught her more about Islam and made her religious.

Recently, I told my parents about her. But they are not at all satisfied with her.

I believe that Allah will help me and reply to my prayer but I have not seen any change in my parents’ attitude. Should I move on?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah grant you a clear answer and contentment with His Decree.

Istikhara

Please perform the Prayer of Guidance up to seven times to help you decide. The answer does not need to come in the form of a dream; look at how events unfold. If your family is still resistant to the idea of you marrying her, then this is a negative. If your family’s attitude shifts into one of openness and acceptance, then this is a positive.

Allah will absolutely respond to your prayer. Just remember that His answer might not be the one you want.

Timeline

Give yourself a realistic timeline. If your istikhara is negative after seven times, then as hard as it may be, please let go and move on. Perform the Prayer of Need and ask Allah to heal your heartbreak and send you a righteous wife.

It might be unimaginable for you to envisage marrying anyone else, but as so many people can attest to, we are all built to survive heartbreak. Learn the lessons behind this experience – ‘accidentally’ falling in love with someone can lead to serious repercussions. Speak to your family about what kind of wife they want for you. Be open to their suggestions. Be patient with Allah’s Decree.

Reality

The Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!”. [Bukhari and Muslim]

In addition to marrying a woman for her deen, remember that marriage is about two families coming together. From what you have described, it sounds like your parents feel that she is not a suitable match for you for various reasons. When you are in love, these differences do not matter. You may feel that love can conquer all.

In reality, a successful marriage takes so much more than love. The stresses of new marriage can cause it to crumble, especially without the support of your family. However, if your istikhara is positive, then Allah can grant you ease and success in your marriage, despite your family’s disapproval. Ultimately, you are the one who is getting married.

Education

When registration reopens, please complete this course, Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life. Please learn what an successful Islamic marriage is before you get married. This will inshaAllah help guide you to make a wiser decision.

May Allah make things easier for you, facilitate what is best for you, and grant you the blessing of a loving and righteous spouse.

Please refer to the following links:

What to Do When My Parents Reject My Choice of Spouse Because of Cultural Reasons?
When Love is Not Enough: Reassessing Marriage in the Muslim Community – Mental Health 4 Muslims Blog

Wassalam,
Raidah

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

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"Whoever guides someone to goodness will have a similar reward"-- The Prophet (Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him)