How Can I Control My Anger?
Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Question
Can you please give me some advice on how I can control my anger?
Answer
In the name of Allah, the inspirer of truth. All praise is to Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate, and all blessings and peace to our Master Muhammad, his family, companions, and those who follow them.
Anger is something both the Shariah and the sound intellect regard as generally blameworthy. This is why the Beloved of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) told the one who sought his counsel, “Don’t get angry,” repeatedly.
The scholars recommend many measures to deal with anger, including:
1. Turn to Allah, and Seek Refuge in Allah from Satan.
When a man got angry in front of the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace), he told his companions, “I know some words that would make his anger leave if he said them. They are A‘udhu billahi min al-shaytan (‘I seek refuge in Allah from Satan’). [Bukhari] Imam Mawardi said in Adab al-Dunya wa al-Din that one should remember Allah when angry, for this leads to fear of Allah, which directs him to obey Him and restrain one’s anger by returning to proper manners. Allah Most High said, “And remember Allah when you are heedless.” [Quran, 18:24]
Turn to Allah in supplication in order to control one’s anger. One should turn to Allah with one’s heart and tongue, asking him to rid one of anger and all other lowly traits. If you can do this using the supplications of the Beloved of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), it is even more beloved to Allah.
‘A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) reports that “The Prophet entered while she was angry. So he rubbed the tip of my nose and said, ‘My little ‘A’isha. Say,
‘O Allah, forgive my sin, remove the anger in my heart, and protect me from Satan.’
Allahumma ghfirli dhanbi, wa adhhib ghaydha qalbi, wa aajirni min ash-shaytan”
[Ibn al-Sunni, as mentioned in Birgiwi’s al-Tariqa al-Muhammadiyya]
اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لِي ذَنْبِي وَأَذْهِبْ غَيْظَ قَلْبِي وَآجِرْنِي مِنْ الشَّيْطَانِ
2. Silence
Do not say anything when angry, lest it contravenes the Sacred Law or go against your personal or social interests. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, “If you get angry, stay silent.” [Ahmad]
3. Change Your Physical Posture
The Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said, “If you get angry while standing, sit down…. If you get angry while sitting, lie down.” The wisdom in this is that it prevents one from doing that which one’s anger would have made one do in that posture.
4. Perform Ritual Ablutions
The Prophet informed us that anger is from Satan, and he was created from fire, so we should extinguish anger with ritual ablutions. [Abu Dawud]
5. Follow the counsel of the Best of Creation (Allah bless him & give him peace)
His repeated counsel for the one who sought advice was, “Do not get angry.” [Bukhari]
6. Remember the Great Reward Mentioned by Allah for those Who Control Their Anger
“And vie with one another for forgiveness from your Lord, and for a Paradise as wide as are the heavens and the earth, prepared for those fear Allah (al-muttaqin) ; Those who spend (of that which Allah has given them) in ease and in adversity, those who control their wrath, and are forgiving toward mankind; and Allah loves the good. And those who, when they do an evil deep or wrong themselves, remember Allah and implore forgiveness for their sins. And who forgives sins but Allah?…” [Quran, 3: 133-135]
7. Remember that True Strength Is Not Physical but Spiritual and Moral.
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, “The strong one is not one who can out-wrestle others. Rather, the strong one is one who can restrain themselves when angry. [Bukhari& Muslim] Imam Kumushkhanawi, the great 19th Century hadith expert and Naqshabandi spiritual guide, explained that this is because “…the one who can control himself when his anger swells up has overcome the most powerful of his enemies and the worst of his adversaries. From this hadith, the Sufis deduced that it is incumbent on the knower of Allah to bear those who harm him, such as neighbors and others. [Lawami‘ al-‘Uqul, 4: 23-4]
Imam Barkawi mentioned in his Tariqa al-Muhammadiyya that the way to remove the tendency to anger is, “By removing its cause, which is avidness for rank, arrogance, and conceit. One who has these traits is easily angered by that which normally does not anger others.”
8. Remember the example of the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace)
Remember the clemency, forbearance, and easy-going nature of the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) with others, and did not get angry unless the anger was for the sake of Allah. The examples of this from his life are numerous. The scholars say that every Muslim should strive to read about the life and example of the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) daily.
9. Remember the Harms of Anger
Be aware of the harms of anger, which include falling into that which Allah deems impermissible of words or actions and acting in a way unbefitting of a believer. Would we act like this if we were aware that Allah sees all our actions? Would we act like this in the presence of the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace)?
Imam Ibn Hajar al-Haytami (Allah have mercy on him) counted getting wrongly angry as one of the first major sins in his Zawajir.
10. Remember that Anger Is Generally Animalistic.
Be aware that one resembles animals more than noble humans when in a state of anger. [Birgiwi, al-Tariqa al-Muhammadiyya]
Wassalam
[Shaykh] Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Faraz Rabbani spent ten years studying with some of the leading scholars of recent times, first in Damascus, and then in Amman, Jordan. His teachers include the foremost theologian of recent times in Damascus, the late Shaykh Adib al-Kallas (may Allah have mercy on him), as well as his student Shaykh Hassan al-Hindi, one of the leading Hanafi fuqaha of the present age. He returned to Canada in 2007, where he founded SeekersGuidance in order to meet the urgent need to spread Islamic knowledge–both online and on the ground–in a reliable, relevant, inspiring, and accessible manner. He is the author of: Absolute Essentials of Islam: Faith, Prayer, and the Path of Salvation According to the Hanafi School (White Thread Press, 2004.) Since 2011, Shaykh Faraz has been named one of the 500 most influential Muslims by the Royal Islamic Strategic Studies Center.
