Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I am 31 years old with a very high sex drive. I am addicted to sex and have paid for it more than eight times with a prostitute. My marriage proposals get rejected because of my not-so-great looks, height, and complexion. I want to be a pure Muslim who prays five times daily.
How do I repent to Allah, marry a true Muslima, and leave this dangerous enormity that will lead me to Hell? I am miserable and don’t want to spoil my reputation with people but I have already lost my dignity in front of Allah Most High.
Brother, being single at your age is very difficult, and I commend you for reaching out and trying your best to change and improve yourself.
Sinning is a Part of Humanity
The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “By Him in Whose Hand is my life, if you were not to sin Allah would sweep you out of existence, and He would replace (you by) those people who would commit sin and seek forgiveness from Allah, and He would have pardoned them. [Muslim]
Please don’t despair in His mercy and know that Allah accepts tawba at all times. However, repenting to Allah should not be in jest, and I suggest that you take the following steps:
See this link for the correct way to make tawba:
What Are the Conditions of Making Tawba?
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) recommended fasting for those who are unable to marry, saying, “He who can afford to marry should marry, because it will help him refrain from looking at other women, and save his private parts from committing illegal sexual relation; and he who cannot afford to marry is advised to fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power.” [Bukhari] Try to fast at least twice a week.
On non-fasting days, you should limit your meat intake, as eating meat increases one’s libido. See this list of ways to decrease your sex drive: How to Lower Your Sex Drive
Try using this Thought Record Sheet to track what triggers this behavior and detect patterns so you can see the urge coming: Thought Record Sheet
Most importantly, turn to Allah. Pray and give zakat on time, and give regular charity. Pray The Prayer Of Need before fajr time comes in and beg Allah Most High to change you and facilitate a marriage for you. Intend to live your life Islamically, start in the best way you know, and leave the rest in Allah’s hands. The blessings will rain down upon you.
Never return to a prostitute again, and be firm. Take yourself into account. Tell yourself that you will pay 20$ in charity every time you commit this unwanted act and pray the prayer of repentance: Prayer of Repentance: Salat al-Tawba.
Always follow up an evil deed with a good one. Our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us, “Have taqwa of Allah wherever you are, and follow an evil deed with a good one to wipe it out, and treat the people with good behavior.” [Tirmidhi]
Given the considerations in such cases, we urge you to please consult reliable local scholars or counselors about the specifics of the situation. Jazakum Allah khayran. May Allah facilitate all ease and good for you.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.