How Can I Find Hope Amid Abuse, Depression, and Pregnancy?

Answered by Shaykh Abdul Rahim Reasat

Question

I come from a deeply abusive family and have struggled with depression for three years. I am now seven months pregnant, and although my husband is supportive, I have lost hope.

What guidance and hope does Islam offer someone in my situation?

Answer

In the name of Allah, the All-Merciful, the Ever-Merciful.

All praise belongs to Allah, Lord of all beings, and may peace and blessings be upon our master Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace).

My dear sister, may Allah make everything easy for you.

It’s clear you’ve had a very difficult life, and I want to offer you some hope through the fact that the people with the most difficult trials are the people who are dearest to Allah Most High.

It may not seem like you’re special or dear to Allah Most High, but that’s only because of our limited human perspective.

What usually happens is that Allah wants to grant a tremendous and special reward to a person that they couldn’t attain through their own works.

This reward may not necessarily be evident in this life, but it’s certainly one that will last forever and is tremendous in the eyes of Allah, who knows all.

The Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Whoever Allah wants tremendous good for, He tries them repeatedly.” [Bukhari]

This is a sign of being dearly beloved to Allah Most High. Some people get tested occasionally, or they have problems that are not as intense as what you may have experienced.

Then there are other people for whom nothing works out. Everything is a challenge, everything is a problem, everything comes with a burden.

This is the category of people we are talking about, and this is the category of people referred to in the hadith.

Clearly, you seem to be one of those people. The Messenger of Allah guaranteed that whatever happens to the believer is the very best thing for the believer. He said, “Allah bless him and grant him peace. I am amazed at the affair of the believer. Everything that happens to him is the very best thing for him.” [Muslim]

With this in mind, look at the challenges in your life and see every one of those challenges and every one of those obstacles and difficulties as a direct proof of Allah’s love for you.

You may not feel this specialness or this love, but I guarantee you will one day. Allah can reward you with such beauty that all of the pain of the past can melt away to the point that none of it matters.

None of the residual difficulty, its effect, its wounds, its bruises has any effect on you whatsoever.

Be patient, expect the best of Allah, and know you’re under the care of Allah. This is exactly what He said to His Messenger, “Patiently await the judgment of your Loving Lord, for you are under our gaze!” (Quran, 52:48). Do this, and you will see a lot of good in your life.

Shaykh Ahmad ibn Ata’illah, the Egyptian saint and scholar, said: “Our Lord is too majestic for a servant to deal with Him in cash and for Him to repay Him in credit.” Meaning: You will see the fruit of your efforts in this life, and you will see the full manifestation of Allah’s generosity and reward upon you in the next life.

Taking Practical Steps Toward Healing

As for the actual situation in your life, the Sunnah of the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, teaches us to first take practical steps.

If you need to put a healthy distance between yourself and the toxic members of your family to maintain your mental health and well-being and that of your coming child, then do so.

You’ve been blessed with a good husband, so make your home a happy place with him.

If you don’t live apart from your family, you should really consider that, especially for your coming child.

After that, show kindness and generosity to your parents as much as you can manage without it negatively affecting you, and if you need more distance, then make that distance.

Breaking the Cycle and Looking Forward

Learn from the difficulties of your upbringing and look at all the detrimental things present in the dealings your parents had with you and your siblings, and do the opposite with your own child. That’s the real blessing and benefit from all of this.

May Allah facilitate what’s best for you in this life and the next, and grant you ease and well-being. Ameen.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began studying Arabic Grammar and Morphology whilst studying for a degree in English and History. After graduating, He traveled to Damascus and studied Arabic, Hanafi Fiqh, Usul al-Fiqh, Theology, and Logic with Shaykh Adnan Darwish, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahman Arjan al-Binsawi, Shaykh Husayn Darwish, Shaykh Muhammad Darwish, the late Shaykh Rashad Shams, and others. He then moved to Amman to continue his studies in those fields, as well as in Tafsir, Quranic Sciences, Hadith Methodology and Commentary, Prophetic Biography, Prophetic Perfections and Traits, Rhetoric, Arabic Literature, and Tajwid. His teachers include Shaykh Ali Hani, Dr. Hamza al-Bakri, Dr Salah Abu al-Hajj, Dr Mansur Abu Zina, Shaykh Ahmad Hasanat, Shaykh Ahmad Jammal, and others.