How Can Two Families Agree on Marriage Payment (Dowry)?

Hanafi Fiqh

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel


I love a girl, and she reciprocates her feelings. We never met and were always respectful, and we intend to do nikah asap. For that purpose, we even talked to our families, who met twice and liked each other a lot. There is this one issue, however. As she is from another city, my family’s and her family’s customs are different.

Even her family admits I have everything a girl’s parents demand. Her family demands a specific amount of dowry (marriage payment) for general security in case of divorce. In contrast, our customs are that we build relationships on trust and give a minimum amount of dowry (marriage payment).

The girl doesn’t want an inch, but her family is adamant that we should agree to a specific amount. This situation has come to a halt. Please guide me.


In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

The best way is for both families to sit down and come to an agreement by inviting a local scholar. Understandably, the father is concerned about his daughter’s future, and you have also given assurance from your side.

I suggest agreeing with Fatima’s (Allah be pleased with her) marriage dowry (mahr) for now at the time of the marriage contract (nikah). See the link below. If the future in-law’s demand is much higher, you can promise to pay later within a mutually agreed period.

I want to congratulate you once again. May the engagement go smoothly and you mutually agree, in sha’Allah.

May the marriage union bring about harmony between you, the future wife, and both the families and a means of healthy and righteous children, amin

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I pray this helps with your question.

[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani   

Mawlana Ilyas Patel is a traditionally-trained scholar who has studied in the UK, India, Pakistan, Syria, Jordan, and Turkey.

He started his early education in the UK. He went on to complete hifz of the Quran in India, then enrolled into an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied the secular and Alimiyyah sciences. He then traveled to Karachi, Pakistan.

He has been an Imam in Rep of Ireland for a number of years. He has taught hifz of the Qur’an, Tajwid, Fiqh, and many other Islamic sciences to both children and adults onsite and online extensively in UK and Ireland. He was teaching at a local Islamic seminary for 12 years in the UK, where he was a librarian and a teacher of Islamic sciences.

He currently resides in the UK with his wife. His personal interest is the love of books and gardening.