Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch
I pray this message reaches you in the best of manner. My wife and I performed anal sex. We feel very guilty and ashamed and are afraid of the repercussions. We have asked for forgiveness and vowed not to do it again. Does it break our nikah? What else can we do to ask our lord for forgiveness? If you could shed some light on this, it would be greatly appreciated.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate
It is good to hear that you feel ashamed and remorseful for this egregious sin.
Anal sex, even though it is a major sin, does not break your marriage.
Ibn ‘Abbas (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah will not look at a man who approaches a man or a woman in the anus.” [Tirmidhi]
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Cursed (i.e., distanced from the mercy of Allah) is the one who approaches his wife in the anus.” [Abu Dawud]
“Approaching the woman from the anus is prohibited according to a consensus of the scholars.” [al-Shilby, Hashiya al-Shilby on Tabyin al-Haqaiq, citing from al-Kaki]
What is Allowed
It is permissible to approach one’s spouse from any direction as long as the insertion is only in the vagina. This is understood by the word ‘harth’ in the following verse.
“Your women are your tillage. So come to your tillage from where you wish…” [Quran, 2:233]
The tillage is the place that brings forth crops. Allah Most High makes a similitude between it and the place by which children are reproduced (i.e., the vagina). [al-Suyuti, al-Durr al-Manthur]
Be reminded that the mercy of Allah Most High is vast for all who sincerely repent. You and your spouse will have repented sincerely by fulfilling the following conditions.
Conditions of a Sincere Repentance
- Be sincerely remorseful
- Immediately desist from the sin
- Have firm resolve never to repeat the sin
The Reward of Sincere Repentance
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The one who repents (i.e., sincerely) from a sin is like the one who has no sin.” [Ibn Majah]
Other Means of Seeking Forgiveness: Two Units of the Prayer of Repentance
Abu Bakr al-Siddiq (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “No servant sins then perform a proper purification, then stands and performs two units of prayer, then seeks forgiveness from Allah except that Allah will forgive him. He recited the verse – “And those who when they commit a shameful act or wrong themselves remember Allah then seek forgiveness for their sins…” [Abu Dawud]
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily charity extinguishes the anger of the Lord and averts from an evil manner of dying.” [Tirmidhi]
Hope this helps
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he then completed four years at the Darul Uloom seminary in New York where he studied Arabic and the traditional sciences. He then traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he stayed for three years studying in Dar Al-Mustafa under some of the greatest scholars of our time, including Habib Umar Bin Hafiz, Habib Kadhim al-Saqqaf, and Shaykh Umar al-Khatib. In Tarim, Shaykh Yusuf completed the memorization of the Qur’an and studied beliefs, legal methodology, hadith methodology, Qur’anic exegesis, Islamic history, and a number of texts on spirituality. He joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.