How Should I Deal with a Son Who Blasphemes and Hurts the Family?
Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Question
How should I deal with a son who curses Allah, uses abusive language, and prevents us from praying and fasting?
My adult son repeatedly blasphemes against Allah, uses extremely offensive language, and causes great distress at home. He also prevents us from practicing our religion and pressures us to lie. I live with him, my two younger sons, and my elderly mother, and I’m concerned about the harmful influence on the younger children. What is the Islamic guidance for handling this situation?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
May Allah ease your distress and grant you strength and guidance during this challenging time. What you describe is a profoundly painful situation, and I ask Allah Most High to protect your home, your faith, and your family.
The Duty of Respect and Obedience
Allah Most High says,
“And We have enjoined upon man to be good and dutiful to his parents…” [Quran, 46:15]
This is not a light command; obedience and respect to parents are among the loftiest virtues in Islam. A child who truly understands the value of this duty would treat their parents with gentleness, gratitude, and honor. The words and actions of your son stand in direct opposition to these divine commands.
Action Plan
One: The Danger of Abusing One’s Parents
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) warned us:
“Shall I not inform you of the greatest of major sins?” They said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah.” He said, “Associating partners with Allah and being undutiful to one’s parents.” [Bukhari; Muslim]
Blasphemy, abusive language, and preventing others from practicing Islam are all serious matters. Such behavior brings about spiritual ruin, and unless the person repents, it leads to a dark and dangerous path. Yet, we must also be aware that not all behavior stems from pure rebellion.
Two: Recognizing Possible Causes
In many cases, such aggression may be rooted in deep emotional pain, mental illness, or unresolved trauma. Your son may be struggling internally, and while this does not excuse his behavior, it may help explain it. Islam always balances justice with compassion. While we do not tolerate harm, we also do not rush to condemn.
Three: Protect Yourself and Your Family
The first responsibility is your safety and the well-being of your younger sons and your elderly mother. If your son’s presence harms or threatens the family’s faith or safety, take reasonable steps to limit his influence. This may include creating physical space, changing schedules, or even temporary separation. Islam never requires you to suffer in silence.
Four: Seek Support from Trusted Individuals
Do not carry this burden alone. Speak to trusted family members, elders, local scholars, or community leaders who may be able to mediate or offer wisdom and support. Sometimes, an outside voice can reach where others cannot.
Five: Consider External Intervention if Necessary
If the situation escalates to where safety is at risk, do not hesitate to contact the relevant authorities. This is not a betrayal, it is a protection of life and din. If it is not yet at that stage, you may still consider seeking professional help for your son. If he is willing, mental health support, spiritual guidance, or a combination of both could help him return to a healthier path.
Finally, continue to make heartfelt dua. No heart is beyond Allah’s mercy. Keep praying for your son’s guidance, and be assured that your patience and perseverance will not be lost with Allah.
May Allah protect you, ease your hardship, and guide your son back to the path of truth.
And Allah knows best.
[Shaykh] Irshaad Sedick
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar Shaykh Taha Karaan (Allah have mercy on him), where he taught.
Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Shaykh Muhammad Awama, Shaykh Muhammad Hasan Hitu, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.
He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has been the Director of the Discover Islam Centre, and for six years, he has been the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen, Mowbray, Cape Town.
Shaykh Irshaad has fifteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town. He is currently building an Islamic podcast, education, and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and has completed his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy Prophetic living and fitness.
