Is It OK to Never Marry Because There Is No Mercy for Women in It?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My parents want me to get married, but I don’t. This is because there are many hadiths that say if a wife does anything that makes the husband unhappy she gets cursed by Hur Al-‘Ayn and angels. How can I find mercy in marriage when I have to worry about getting everything perfect or else I will get cursed. No one can be perfect, so women will 100% for sure get cursed. So why should I marry?

For men, it is very comforting and merciful because wives have to do everything to please them, and if the husband makes her sad or hurts her, no one curses him. He is under no obligation to be perfect as he never gets cursed by anyone for anything. I wish I was a man.

Answer

Thank you for your question. A woman is not expected to be perfect, nor is a man, and the benefit of marriage is that it completes half of your religion.

Cursed by Maidens

Being cursed by the maidens of Paradise is not something that will directly harm you, nor is it a reason to refuse marriage altogether. Of course, a woman will make mistakes, as will a man, and they are required to repent, fear God, improve themselves, not get angry, and treat one another with kindness, love, and respect. There is no greater risk in marriage for a woman than there is for a man.

Please see the explanation of the hadith that you mention here:
Explaining Misunderstood Hadith About Women
Why Are Only Wives Threatened in Hadith for Making Mistakes?

Mercy

There is mercy for women in marriage, there is chastity, love, respect, support, and companionship. You must know that you would be missing out on the greatest joys of life by not marrying. Having children is a great responsibility and a great blessing that cannot be matched by anything else, as a pious is a continuing charity for you. A woman has been given ample rights within Islam to enjoy being taken care of by her husband and is not obliged to do anything beyond making herself available to him, and not going to places or with people that he prefers her not to go. Of course, it is praiseworthy for her to do beyond the bare minimum, as it is for him, as well.

Please see the details here:
What Are My Obligations in Obeying My Husband in the Shafi’i School?

The Spirit of Marriage

Please keep in mind these hadiths about the spirit of marriage:

Consider a man’s obligations from this hadith. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “There is no person to whom Allah has given responsibility and dies neglecting that responsibility, but Allah will deny him Paradise.” [Muslim]

Marriage is a divine gift as we see from this Quranic verse: Allah Most High said, “And of His tremendous signs is that He created for you perfectly suited spouses in order for you to attain deep intimacy and pleasure from them, and He firmly placed strong concern and great kindness between you. Undoubtedly, in that are many extraordinary signs for people who wholeheartedly reflect.” [Quran, 30:21]

And finally, the lofty reward of a good wife: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “Any woman who dies with her husband happy with her will enter Paradise.” [Tirmidhi]

Equality

And finally, Allah has a plan to reward both genders, as He told us, in His book, “Surely ˹for˺ Muslim men and women, believing men and women, devout men and women, truthful men and women, patient men and women, humble men and women, charitable men and women, fast men and women, men and women who guard their chastity, and men and women who remember Allah often—for ˹all of˺ them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.” [Quran, 33:35]

Please take these courses so that you can understand a woman’s obligations and rights in marriage before making an informed decision about marrying or not:
40 Hadiths on Successful Marriage: Key Teachings of the Prophet on Beautiful, Loving, Caring Married Life
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
Keys to Successful Muslim Marriages: Practical lessons that explain the Prophetic Spirit of Marriage

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.