Why Am I Not Married Yet?
Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
Why is it difficult for me to get married? I am attractive, and people praise me, but I get good proposals which abruptly come to an end. People make excuses like “She is very shy”. I’m a modest girl so I’m not very confident or outspoken. Some people don’t like my degree (Bachelors in Islamic Studies).
These circumstances makes me weak inside and disheartened. Do I have to change to fit today’s demands?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah lift your tribulation and send you a righteous and loving spouse.
Why are you not married yet?
This is a question only Allah, The All-Knowing, can answer. Our role as creation is not to question the Decree of the Creator, but rather, to ask ourselves how we can attain contentment with His Decree.
Think of marriage as part of your journey to Allah. What are some qualities which you need to work on? Do you need to be more patient? More forgiving?
For as long as Allah is pleased with you, then you have nothing to fear.
How Do I Get Rid of My Desperation to Get Married?
Hope
Dear sister, you are still young. I know of women who have married in their forties, and sometimes, even later. That is what Allah has decreed for them. Have hope in Allah’s plan for you, and know that Allah knows better than all of us.
Enjoy the time you have while you are still single. I pray that one day, Allah will bless you with the gift of a righteous husband and children. Until that day comes, spend your time in meaningful pursuits. Volunteer for a community organisation, recite and memorise more Qur’an, keep ties with your family, and so on.
Good opinion
There is always wisdom in what Allah plans for us. Perhaps you imagine that you will be married by a certain age, with a certain number of children, and so on. Perhaps you feel that marriage, and the arrival of children, will make you happy. The sooner you come to believe this truth, then the easier the rest of your life will be: only Allah can place lasting joy in your heart, because we were all created to know Him.
Yes, a loving spouse and good children can bring happiness too, but for as long as we are in the dunya, the things that bring us joy will also test our patience.
Please see:
Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers through Qibla Academy and SeekersHub Global. She also graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales.
