Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My beloved and I want to marry, but his parents are being rigid and are refusing. Are the parents committing a sin by not letting their child have a say, keeping him from being happy, and putting up a wall by not listening to his pleas?
Should the guy and I break up, or should we move forward and marry? His parents don’t have any valid reason for saying no other than worldly reasons, saying, “Our families won’t bond.” If we decide to do nikah, will Allah not put baraka in it, considering his parents will not be happy about it and will kick him out of the house for doing so?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration, and I pray that you find a solution to this matter and be prepared for whatever comes your way.

Consent

He does not need his parents’ consent to marry you, and marrying you as such is not sinful. He would be sinful if he disrespected them outwardly, didn’t inform them of the marriage, and showed bad character toward them. His parents’ refusal of you is not sinful, either; they have a right to express their opinion, but Allah knows best if they are being stubborn for no reason. I urge you both to explain your feelings to them, kindly and gently, and try to make them understand how serious you are and that you want to marry one another for religion.

Against Their Will

If he ends up going against their will, I recommend keeping them involved in the process and not giving up on convincing them. It doesn’t mean that there will be no blessings in the marriage, but you are starting off on a sour note, and it won’t be easy. It may take years for them to accept you. Please pray istikhara about marrying a man who is going against his parents. Make sure you are not currently dating, and make tawba for any contravention of the shari`a that you might have done.

Marry for Religion

Pray istikhara, to seek guidance pursuing this. Follow the advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) who said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari & Muslim] This applies to both genders. Don’t choose this man for lust, even if you think you are in love. Choose him for religion, as someone who will be the best father to your children, and for his God-fearingness so he always gives you his rights.

Turn to Allah

Ask Allah to facilitate the matter for you. Supplicate at dawn, pray on time, and read some Quran every day. Attempt to learn your religion and apply it as well as you can.

Channel your worries into du`a, as Allah is the Changer of Hearts. Keep your hopes up with this Quranic verse and know that Allah’s promise is true: “And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from sources he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed, Allah has set a measure for all things.” [Quran, 65:2-3]

I encourage you to say this du`a:

 ‏يا مُقَلِّبَ القُلوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِي عَلى دِينِك‏.

• Reader on Parents Rejecting Suitors for Marriage

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.