Should I Tell My Suitor about Potential Problems in the Bedroom Due to My Previous Marriage?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

A few years ago, my first marriage ended amicably after one year. As my ex-husband’s sister married into my family, our families are still linked, but relations have not soured. I have not and have no intention to talk to him again. He lives in a different country, so our paths are unlikely to cross. A suitor who knows I’m divorced but has no other details is now interested in marriage. I don’t intend to reveal everything out of respect for privacy, but because of the way my ex treated me, I will need him to be patient before marital intimacy. Should I tell my suitor the details about this? My family says I should keep it to myself because he may react negatively hearing this, but what is the guidance here?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your fear, and I pray that you can find another happy and respectful marriage that will give you peace and tranquillity.

Istikhara

I am unsure about what you should do. Your family has a good point, but you have a good point, too. I usually lean toward honesty and transparency, and I feel there is baraka in it. Put yourself in his shoes and see how you would feel if it was kept from you. Please pray istikhara on the matter, and perhaps speak to a therapist or local imam for advice.

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.