What Questions Should I Ask Someone I Intend to Marry?

Answered By Shaykh Dr. Muhammad Fayez Awad

Question

What questions should I ask someone I intend to marry?

Answer

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds. Blessings and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah, his Family, and his Companions.

Asking appropriate questions to someone you intend to marry or who will be your life partner can help lay a strong foundation for your relationship. Islam has permitted the prospective spouse to look at the person they intend to marry to establish affection and confirm the desire to proceed with the marriage. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said to Mughira Ibn Shu‘ba when he proposed to a woman:

“Have you seen her?” He replied, “No.” The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) then said: “Look at her, for it is more likely to create affection between you.” [Ahmad]

The most important question to consider regarding a prospective spouse is the one mentioned by the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) when he said:

“If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you (for marriage), then marry him. If you do not do so, there will be fitna (temptation) in the land and widespread corruption.” [Tirmidhi]

Therefore, ensure that you choose someone who possesses both strong religious commitment and good character.

Religious Commitment

This means that the prospective spouse is adhering to what Allah (Most High) has commanded and avoiding what He has prohibited.

Good Character

This includes possessing noble qualities and essential virtues, such as honesty, loyalty, chivalry, dignity, modesty, generosity, and commendable jealousy.

Hasan Ibn ‘Ali (Allah be pleased with both of them) advised a man who consulted him about marrying his daughter:

“Marry her to a pious man. If he loves her, he will honor her, and if he dislikes her, he will not wrong her.”

This advice is echoed in Allah’s words:

“…for a believing slave-woman is better than a free polytheist, even though she may look pleasant to you.” [Quran, 2:221]

When the basic unit of society—the family—is established on the Book of Allah and the Sunna of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), life will be blessed.

Note: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) combined both religion and character in his guidance by saying, “If you are pleased with his religion and character,” not settling for religion alone. The reason for this is that simply adhering to religious commands and prohibitions is not enough without the addition of good character. There are many young men who are diligent in prayer, fasting, and following Allah’s commands, but have poor character. They may be religious but stingy, or religious but harsh in their dealings. Thus, it is essential for the prospective spouse to have both qualities: good character and strong religious commitment.

To the Sister Asking the Question

Religion and character are the two most important pillars upon which a happy home is built. As for other details related to housing, clothing, and dowry, these matters should be discussed by both families before marriage, as they vary from one environment to another and are governed by customs and traditions.

Finally

A marriage based on religion and good character is likely to endure and bear fruit because a bright beginning often leads to a bright ending. It was once said about a marriage between a mu’adhin (caller to prayer) and a daughter of qari (reciter of the Quran), “They will produce a Mushaf (a written Quran).”

[Shaykh] Dr. Muhammad Fayez Awad

Shaykh Dr. Muhammad Fayez Awad, born in Damascus, Syria, in 1965, pursued his Islamic studies in the mosques and institutes of Damascus. A graduate of the Islamic University of Medina in 1985, he holds a Ph.D. in Islamic Studies from Bahauddin Zakariya University in Pakistan.

He has extensive experience developing curricula and enhancing the teaching of various academic courses, including conducting intensive courses. Shaykh Awad has taught Fiqh, Usul al-Fiqh, Quranic sciences, the history of legislation, inheritance laws, and more at several institutes and universities such as Al-Furqan Institute for Islamic Sciences and Majma‘ al-Fath al-Islami in Damascus.

He is a lecturer at the Sultan Muhammad al-Fatih Waqf University in Istanbul, teaching various Arabic and Islamic subjects, and teaches at numerous Islamic institutes in Istanbul. Shaykh Awad is a member of the Association of Syrian Scholars, a founding member of the Zayd bin Thabit Foundation, a member of the Syrian Scholars Association, and a member of the Academic Council at the Iman Center for Teaching the Sunna and Quran.

Among his teachers from whom he received Ijazat are his father, Shaykh Muhammad Muhiyiddin Awad, Shaykh Muhiyiddin al-Kurdi, Shaykh Muhammad Karim Rajih, Shaykh Usama al-Rifai, Shaykh Ayman Suwaid, Shaykh Ahmad al-Qalash, Shaykh Muhammad Awwama, and Shaykh Mamduh Junayd.