How Can I Manage Attraction to a Religious Teacher While Attending Lessons?
Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch
Question
I admire a religious teacher but struggle with waswasa and some attraction. How can I maintain love for him for the sake of Allah, and should I stop attending the halaqa if I believe the feelings will fade with time?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate
Imam Ghazali (Allah have mercy on him) mentions that the heart inclines to others for three reasons: perceived beauty, perfection, and favor. [Ghazali, Ihya’ ‘Ulum al-Din]
So it is natural to have attraction to the opposite gender in general. And if one perceives beauty, qualities of perfection (like knowledge or eloquence of speech), and especially if one receives a benefit (favor) from that person (like obtaining knowledge). [Ibid.]
It is a challenge for someone in this case to not be attracted. With that said, one must keep control of their desires so that they do not go beyond the limits of the Sacred Law.
Controlling the Desires
Acknowledgment of beauty, perfection, and favor is not sinful, but when unregulated, it can lead to lust, which is sinful except towards one’s spouse. To maintain this balance, one should take the following steps:
1. Control the gaze
Despite being in a classroom setting, try not to stare at your teacher. Keep your eyes occasionally down whilst remaining attentive to what is being said. Look only occasionally and only for the length that is necessary.
If it helps you to change your seat to achieve this, this is an option as well.
2. Control the thoughts
If lustful thoughts come to your heart, try to have a visceral dislike for such thoughts and seek Allah’s forgiveness (istighfar). However, if this becomes overly distracting due to waswasa (whisperings), try to ignore the thoughts and distract your mind to think of something else when they arise.
3. Control your eating
Physical lusts are exacerbated by overeating and by eating a lot of red meats. If you are experiencing lust, cutting back on food and limiting meats is very effective. This is why the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) commanded the youth who were unable to get married to fast.
4. Get married
Imam Ghazali mentions that the best means of squelching uncontrolled desires and lust is to get married. He says, “For every normal desire one has, there is an avenue in the Sacred Law to fulfill that desire in a permissible manner.” [Ghazali, Ihya’ ‘Ulum al-Din]
Hope this helps
Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat
Shaykh Yusuf Weltch teaches Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he completed four years at the Darul Uloom Seminary in New York, where he studied Arabic and the traditional sciences.
He then traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he studied for three years in Dar al-Mustafa under some of the most outstanding scholars of our time, including Habib Umar Bin Hafiz, Habib Kadhim al-Saqqaf, and Shaykh Umar al-Khatib.
In Tarim, Shaykh Yusuf completed the memorization of the Quran and studied beliefs, legal methodology, hadith methodology, Quranic exegesis, Islamic history, and several texts on spirituality. He joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.
