How Can I Convince My Parents to Let Me Marry My Cousin?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’m 32 and deeply in love with my 29-year-old cousin, who is a good Muslim and a suitable partner for me. I proposed to her, but both our parents oppose the marriage due to tradition and societal concerns. Islamically, it is permissible for me to marry her, but I don’t want to hurt my parents. Should I obey their wishes or follow my heart? If I don’t obey them and marry my love, is my disobedience unlawful in the eyes of Allah? I really love her and can’t imagine living without her. Your insights on this matter are greatly appreciated. May Allah guide us in making the best decision۔

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to marry your beloved to have a halal relationship and to please your parents at the same time.

Obedience

It is not disobedience to marry her without your parents’ permission. As a Muslim man, you do not require their permission. However, I am puzzled as to how you would proceed because she does require her father’s permission.

Options

First, are you choosing her for religion? If she is not religious, I recommend that you choose someone that will teach your children to pray, read Quran and fear God. However, if she is, then pray istikhara, and if it is positive, tell them so. Talk to your parents again and again if necessary. Give charity, with the intention that the parents come around. Ask them to sit with her and talk it over. Ask the parents to sit down with each other and discuss it.

Dua

Make dua on the last hour of Friday and during tahajjud time, these are times when dua is answered. Pray your prayers on time, read Quran daily. Put all your effort into obeying Allah and being good to your parents. By Allah’s grace, they will come around, and they will send a proposal on your behalf. But honestly, if they don’t, you should be prepared to walk away. You can live your life without her if necessary, you just don’t see it now.

For now, use the tool that your Lord has given you: Supplicate, supplicate, supplicate. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “When half of the night or two-thirds of it is over, Allah, the Blessed and the Exalted, descends to the lowest heaven and says: Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven? (And Allah continues saying it) until it is daybreak” [Muslim]

Please see these links as well:

• How Do I Convince My Father to Let Me Marry My Cousin?
• How Can I Be With My Cousin After We Have Loved Each Other for Years?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.