How Can I Stop Being Disrespectful to My Parents?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

How can I stop being disrespectful to my parents?

I hate being disrespectful towards them and I know it’s a great sin but I can’t help it or control myself from talking back and annoying them. Is there a dua that I can read or something I can do to stop this?

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your sincere desire to be good to them and may He send you children that will also love and respect you.

Respect

Being good to parents is an obligation not to be taken lightly. Holding yourself back from talking back to them, from annoying them, or from hurting their feelings is showing respect and goodness.

The best way to make you understand its importance is this hadith, “The pleasure of the Lord [lies in] the pleasure of the father [and in one narration: parents] and the anger of the Lord [lies in] the anger of the father [and in one narration: parents].” [Tirmidhi]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) also said to a companion who wanted to leave his mother to participate in jihad but wasn’t able to, “Show Allah how you are dutiful to her. If you do so, you will be like the one performing Hajj, the one performing Umrah, and the one striving in Allah’s path.” [Musnad Abu Ya‘la]

Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “If any Muslim obeys Allah regarding his parents, Allah will open two gates of the Garden for him. If there is only one parent, then one gate will be opened. If one of them is angry, then Allah will not be pleased with him until that parent is pleased with him.“ He was asked, “Even if they wrong him?“ “Even if they wrong him,“ he replied. [Bukhari, al-Adab al-Mufrad]

Solution

If these prophetic narrations are not enough to inspire you, I am not sure what will. However, if you are finding it difficult to get along with them or because there isn’t any mutual understanding, I urge you to work out your problems with them so that it becomes easier to respect them. Hash out your differences politely, and learn when to step back and not engage. There are many coping mechanisms that you can try so that you don’t end up in an angry confrontation. Turn to Allah in every circumstance, may He facilitate this matter for you.

Please see these links as well:
What Constitutes Disobeying One’s Parents (’Uquq al-Walidayn)?
Serve Your Parents Now Before It’s Too Late

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.