What Are the Etiquettes When Going Through a Divorce?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

I am going through a divorce.

What are the etiquettes when going through a divorce?

Answer: Wa’alaykum assalam. I pray you’re well. I am sorry to hear that you are going through a divorce.

The best of etiquettes when divorcing is to try to be as amicable and forgiving as possible with one another, as Allah Most High tells us, ‘Then when they have [almost] reached the end of their waiting period, either retain them honourably or separate from them honourably.’ [65:2]

Waiting Periods

If the marriage has been consummated (and the divorced woman is not pregnant) then the waiting period is three valid purities between menses.

If the marriage was not consummated, then there is no waiting period.

If the wife is pregnant, then the waiting periods ends when the child is born.

Further Rulings and Etiquettes

General: During the waiting period, the general rules relating to a wife applies to the divorced wife, barring awra, seclusion, and sexual relations.

Finance: The husband must provide the normal financial support due to a wife during this period.

Accommodation / Seclusion: The wife has a right to stay in the husband’s house for the duration of her waiting period. In that time, they are not allowed to be in seclusion with one another. Avoiding seclusion in one house is difficult unless there are two separate quarters for everything (i.e. bathroom, kitchen) and including entry doors. As such, in most cases, the husband should move out during this period.

Leaving the House: According to the Shafi’i school, the divorced wife is not permitted to leave the house unless for necessity, such as if she needs to work and earn money, or for an emergency. If this opinion proves difficult, one may follow the Maliki position, which permits a woman in her waiting period to leave the house during the daytime, even without a need, such as for social reasons and events, whilst returning in the evening. For more specific details on the Maliki opinion, you may refer to this answer here.

Travel: However, what seems apparent from all the rulings, including the more expansive Maliki position, is that travel would not be allowed. In this case, it would be advisable not to travel and forgo the amount.

Mut’a / Gifts: In the Shafi’i school, if the husband divorces his wife, it is obligatory for the husband to give the wife a payment called the mut’a. Perhaps a reasonable amount to give is between a quarter to half the typical dowry amount of the place and time.

If one does not follow the Shafi’i school, then it is still praiseworthy to give a valuable gift or money to the divorced wife.

[‘Iyanat al Talibin, al Yaqut al Nafis]

I would also encourage you to seek further advise from a qualified local scholar.

Support

Solid support from family and good friends is important during the divorce process, even if the divorce was amicable and mutually agreed.

It is also important to have time to reflect on one’s own and focus on the next stages of life. The most important aspect of this is focusing on our relationship with Allah.

I pray the above is of benefit to you. May Allah make the situation easy for you both, and grant you the very best.

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.